Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 292

Big rainstorm in L.A. last night and it's not over yet. It's been so dry here for so long, it's welcome but does it have to be so noisy?

Looks though like we'll have perfect parade weather on January 1. Now, if we only had a parade to go with it…


I have given up trying to guess what Trump is going to do next and I've given up reading the guesses of others. They can estimate the man's motives and the way he reacts when someone or something gets in the way of them…but not what he's actually going to do about the matters at hand and when.

In the same manner, I've decided to ignore anyone who isn't my personal physician when they guesstimate when a COVID vaccination will be available to folks like me, which one we'll get and any timetable about how quickly things will start returning to normal. Hell, I'm not even sure what "normal" is going to mean in a post-pandemic world.

And I really don't understand the people who when they tick off a list of negatives from the coronavirus — a list which includes people dying or being deathly ill, massive loss of employment, savings being wiped out, kids' educations being harmed and businesses closing — throw in as if it's as bad as any of them, "not being able to go eat in a restaurant."


In the twenty years I've been doing this blog, I have occasionally mentioned that my P.C. was having problems, as it is now. Invariably, I get one or more e-mails from someone who says, in essence, "Serves you right for not buying a MAC." And they go on and on about how the MAC is the most perfect invention in the history of mankind — far surpassing fire, the wheel and the Instant Pot™ — and that the P.C. is a piece of excrement that never works, is only purchased by idiots and should be outlawed.

"Throw it in the trash, buy a MAC and enter the enlightened era," someone wrote to me this time. Online sources tell me that MACs account for about 10% of all computer usage in this country, give or take 2%. I think if they were all some make them out to be, it would be a wee bit higher. Personal Computers are somewhere between 77% and 87.8%

To the MAC worshippers who wrote: Maybe you're right that your system is better…though among my friends, I hear as much cursing of Apple computers as I do of systems that operate on Microsoft Windows. But the point is I'm 68 years old, I've been using a P.C. for decades, I've invested in buying and learning P.C. software, I've become accustomed to programs that have no Apple alternative, etc. You might as well be trying to sell Hormel Bacon to an aged Orthodox Jew.

Speaking of which, I need to go make myself some breakfast. Bye for now.

ASK me: Comic Book Coloring

This comes to us from Brian Dreger…

Who comes up with the breakdown for the color of every page of a comic book? Is it the artist? Or does the colorist just do what they want? For example, on a given page of Mister Miracle, did Jack Kirby also indicate the color of every explosion, every building, and every weird bit of machinery? Or does someone else do that?

And if the artist does do that — and if the artist is said to average two pages a day, does that average include the color breakdowns? Or just the drawing itself? I've been noticing how complicated some Mister Miracle pages are with the various elements in each panel, and I've never quite understood who is responsible for making those decisions.

These days, comic books are drawn and colored via a wide variety of methods. Back before about 1980, there were very few printers who did them and before computers, really only one way the coloring was done. It involved someone coloring a print-size stat of each page roughly as a guide for folks who would do hand-cut color separations. Nowadays, we have infinite variations, though most involve Adobe Photoshop.

That said, generally speaking, the artwork for a comic book is created by a person who draws the pages out in pencil, a person who finishes those drawings in real or virtual ink, a person who applies the lettering and a person who applies the coloring. Someone may do one or more of those functions or it may be up to 2-4 different people.

And if one person does two or more of those steps, they may not see them as separate steps. If you hired my old friend Doug Wildey to produced finished color art, he would just sit down and jump back and forth between pencils and brushes until finished color art had emerged.  And he might even have done the lettering, even though he felt he wasn't a great letterer, because the whole process worked better for him if he didn't stop in the middle and send part of it out to someone else.

(Quick aside: One of these days, I'm going to write an essay here about how I feel the "assembly line" method of creating comics has often worked to their detriment.  It helped the material at times but I think there were certain projects and certain artists that would have benefited from, for example, more artists inking their own work…or the various parties working together instead of individually through an editor.)

In most cases, the coloring is done by a person uninvolved in the other steps. Jack Kirby colored a few stories and covers in the fifties but only very rarely after that. He did none of it on Mister Miracle or any of his books of that era. He would write and pencil the pages and then an inker, a letterer and a colorist would do what they did. Mike Royer, who inked so much of his work so well was both inker and letterer.

Jack was only involved with the coloring of that comic in two ways. One was that as I explained here, he disliked the color scheme that DC's coloring department designed for the hero and he managed to get it changed.  It was a struggle but he got it changed.

And his other involvement was that he kept saying that he disliked almost everything else that DC's coloring department did.  He eventually gave up complaining because it didn't do any good…but he never liked it.

Like anything else in the creative arts, there are arguments and different viewpoints. I've worked on comics where the penciler loved what the colorist did and the inker was horrified and threatened to quit if we didn't get a new colorist. I was writer-editor once on a comic where the artist and I both loved a colorist I'd hired. So did the executive editor of the company. But the head of the firm's coloring department insisted on replacing that colorist…and we wound up doing so because the executive editor felt he couldn't overrule a department head.

To answer the last part of your question: Two pages a day is only a vague estimate of how much work an artist outputs…and of course, some artists are way faster than others, some only pencil, some only ink, some do both, etc. And coloring a page can take a little time or a lot, depending on how detailed the coloring is, what method is being used, how proficient the color is with Adobe products, whether he or she is laying down flat color or trying to do very detailed work with lots of shading and texture…and soon. So the answer is that there is no real answer.

ASK me

Today's Video Link

Hey, you'll like this. I was and still am a great fan of the late Dave Barry, a great stand-up comic who isn't as well-remembered as he oughta be. He was one of those guys who worked all the time, often in hotels in Miami or casinos in Vegas. In the latter venue, he could often be found opening for Wayne Newton or other musical superstars…and when he was in or around New York, he would appear on The Ed Sullivan Show. He was on many times, including the episode on which The Beatles made their third appearance.

Today, we have a clip from an earlier appearance with Ed on November 29, 1959. A few of the jokes about then-current commercials are a bit dated but the rest of it stands up pretty well.

I was privileged to meet Dave on two occasions and to pepper him with questions about his work as a cartoon voice guy. When he was playing Miami and Max Fleischer had his cartoon studio down there, Dave Barry was the voice of Bluto in a number of Popeye cartoons. Later when he was in Los Angeles, he worked for most of the studios in town, especially Warner Brothers. He was kind of a utility player for them in cartoons and kids' records and he did a lot of impressions.  He was, for example. usually the fellow who did Humphrey Bogart when they needed someone to do Humphrey Bogart.

The second time I met him was when he was playing at The Mint, a downtown Las Vegas hotel that closed in 1988. (Dave himself left us in 2001.) It was, I believe, the last time he performed in that city where he'd logged countless appearances. Despite his age, he was sharp and his material was fresh and topical. Here's that clip I promised you from 1959…

Final Notice!

I just received this…

This is your FINAL NOTICE, Mark.

So far, you've ignored EVERY email inviting you to join the Presidential Honor Roll. You've ignored Team Trump, Lara, Don Jr., AND the President of the United States.

We've done everything we can to get you to join this prestigious group, and now we're reaching out to let you know that this is your LAST CHANCE.

President Trump is holding your spot until 11:59 PM TONIGHT. After that, you will no longer be considered for a spot on the Presidential Honor Roll.

The President is counting on YOU, Mark. Don't let him down.

You've always been one of President Trump's fiercest supporters, so we wanted to give you ONE LAST CHANCE to accept your invitation to join the Presidential Honor Roll.

He'll be reviewing the FINAL membership roster soon. Make sure he sees your name.

Contribute $5 IMMEDIATELY to get your name on the FINAL membership roster.>>

I dunno…I think it's funny to imagine Trump sitting at a desk, reading a list and he suddenly yells out, "Hey! I don't see Mark Evanier's name on here! He's always been one of my fiercest supporters! You mean to tell me he didn't send me five friggin' dollars? Okay, I've had it with that guy! He's off the Presidential Honor Roll!"

Today's Video Link

Each year before Christmas, the folks at Turner Classic Movies issue their "TCM Remembers" video noting the past year's passages of movie stars (and usually, a TV personality or two, especially if they were seen in some capacity on TCM). It has been said that their primary goal in doing these is to show up the "In Memoriam" reel each year on the Oscars.

I don't know why they don't wait until the year is actually over to show us who died in that year. There always seems to be someone important who passes away after TCM releases their video but before the year is over…so they go back, edit that person in and release a revised edition. We'll see if they have to do that this year…

Today's Christmas Bonus Video Link

Founded back in 1963, the Bob Baker Marionette Theater is the oldest establishment in Los Angeles offering theater-type entertainment for children. It has put on shows pretty steadily since then and hosted thousands upon thousands of kids' birthday parties. In some families, there are several generations who happily recall birthday parties when they were younger at the B.B.M.T.

The last few decades, it's had trouble keeping the doors open. In 2008, I wrote here and in later posts about the financial problems it was having. The place managed to stay open but things got a lot worse in 2014 when Mr. Baker passed away at the age of 90. His family and students kept things afloat but despite their building being designated a Los Angeles Historic Cultural Monument, they finally had to vacate it.

Happily, support was such that they've relocated. They moved their workshop, stage and inventory of three thousand puppets into an old theater in Highland Park and while they're still in need of funds, it doesn't look like all those stringed people and creatures will be out on the street any time soon. Since I covered its struggles to stay in the old building, I thought you'd like to know they have a new one.

Here we have a little Christmasy video that the current management has assembled to entertain, tell the history of the enterprise and ask for donations. If you're in Southern California and have kids who have birthdays, take the hint. And visit their website, which contains a lot more history.

Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 289

So far, it's been a quiet, pleasant Christmas Day here. One friend who called me said they went to a big party last night. I do not understand that kind of risk-taking. I don't "get" people who are so desperate to gather with friends or to eat in a restaurant again that they'll gamble even the small-but-not-zero chance of getting the disease, especially at a time when there might not even be room for them in any hospital. Beastie Boys notwithstanding, you don't absolutely have to fight for your right to party. You certainly don't have to die for it, as some have.

Last night, my COVID-safe visitor and I watched White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye — two men who were magical on the screen but not much-loved by those who knew them off it. It's a sappy, manipulative story but if you can't enjoy one of those on Christmas Eve, you're taking life way too seriously.

My main computer persists in booting into Safe Mode and refusing to come out. Most programs refuse to run even that way and it also gives me a lot of error messages that pretty much say, "I told you I was sick." When portions of the world that closed for Christmas reopen, I shall venture forth — mainly on the Internet — and find someone who can heal it. In the meantime, the back-up computer is enjoying its chance to star for a while.

So things are fine where I am. I hope they're fine where you are…or if they're not, that they will be soon. And let nothing you dismay.

Today's Video Link

And here's our favorite video to post each Christmas…

P.S. to the Previous Message

Just before my computer crashed, I searched a folder of pics I took up at the MAD offices back in the seventies because I took some in the office of William Gaines. He said "You can photograph anything you want except me" but I didn't get a photo of his little Arbuckle display. Still, I figured someone might like to see this one…

Click above to see this pic larger. Photo by me.

The ceiling was filled with model zeppelins, many of them the MAD Zeppelin, featured for a time in the magazine. The cash register was configured so each button had a picture of a MAD staffer or a saying and when you pushed it, what popped up was not a price but a joke connected with what was on the button. The large head of King Kong was a gift from its sculptor, Sergio Aragonés. There were all sorts of toys and fun things in that office…and there was Bill, who was a very big and very rich kid.

Merry Today!

Do I look any different to you? I should. I'm on my backup computer, my primary P.C. having decided Christmas Eve is the perfect time to go kablooey! on me. I mean, what better time to crash than the night you sure as hell can't call anyone or figure out who to have fix it? Everything's backed-up eight ways but my semi-informed diagnosis suggests I need a new C drive. Suggestions in the L.A. area are welcome. I've fixed a lot of things on that ol' computer but this one lies just outside my area of expertise.

Meanwhile, I've received a lot of messages about Roscoe Arbuckle and the scandal that ended his career. Most wrote what Gordon Robson wrote…

Regarding Dave S. Humphreys' comment, I thought it was obvious that your "raped some woman" remark carried an implicit rejection of that kind of attitude which some people might have had, and that it didn't reflect your own feelings about the poor woman. Funny how Mr. Humphreys seemed to see what wasn't there. Anyway, just thought I'd say you needn't worry, as most readers undoubtedly knew what you meant.

Yeah, but I'd like all readers to know what I meant. I realize that may be impossible, especially these days, but I can't help thinking that someone who calls himself a Professional Writer oughta be able to write so clearly that no one reads me wrong. There's plenty here to disagree with if you do understand what I'm trying to say.

Now, this may be of some interest. When I wrote about how people don't know what really happened with Mr. Arbuckle, I thought of mentioning Bill Gaines, the longtime publisher of MAD and a beloved figure among most who knew him or loved MAD and/or E.C. Comics. In his office, Bill had two photos in a joint frame — one of Roscoe Arbuckle and one of Virginia Rappe. Ms. Rappe, as we know, was the actress who died at a party Arbuckle hosted, leading to him being charged with violating and killing her. Gaines had them "united" in one of those frames where you might unite pics of your parents or your two kids or some couple like that. And he had an antique Coca-Cola bottle on display in front of the photos.

You might think this was poor taste humor. But Bill Gaines, let's remember, published MAD, Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror and lots of things that were routinely denounced as poor taste humor. For him, it certainly wasn't.

I decided not to mention Bill's little display as an example of how folks don't know the truth about the Arbuckle/Rappe matter but didn't. Then I got a note from a reader of this site, Bob Gillian. The Mad World of William M. Gaines, by the way, was a fine book by MAD writer Frank Jacobs about Gaines and his publishing history…

I thought you might be interested in the following. Back in 1974 I was the proud owner of The MAD World of William M. Gaines. Alas, it seems to have disappeared over the years so I can't quote from it, but Gaines was quoted in it as saying something along the lines of he kept pictures of Fatty Arbuckle and Virginia Rappe on his desk and found it amusing that many visitors thought they were his parents as Rappe was raped to death by Arbuckle. Well, my teenage ire was aroused as I also believed then (and still do) that Arbuckle was railroaded, so I immediately rushed to my typewriter and dashed off a letter to Mr. Gaines, taking him to task and explaining why I believed Arbuckle was innocent. I expected no response, so imagine my surprise when this arrived in the mail.

Bob sent me a scan of the letter from Gaines on MAD letterhead, but it will be easier if I just quote what he said…

Thank you so much for writing! Actually, I know that Arbuckle was probably blameless in this affair but it has taken on a rather humorous mythological caste & we all love to talk about Arbuckle & his "coke" bottle! What happened to him was tragic at the time but everybody's dead now & we just kid about it! Best wishes.

And I explained the true story to Bill, too. I guess to some people, a legend is a legend in the true sense of the word. In these days, when everyone is called a "legend," we forget that Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed were legends, too — meaning that not everything said about them is true. Anyway, I wish Frank in the book hadn't written what he wrote or that Bill had made clear he didn't believe it.

Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 288

Hello. Hope you're having a safe 'n' jolly Day Before and that it continues at least through whatever holiday(s) you choose to celebrate at this time o' year. I'm sitting here, thinking of doing something immoral and/or illegal to help Donald Trump to see if I can get me one of them nifty pardons he's been giving out.

The e-mail address where I receive all those messages his organization has been sending me is jammed with them today. Most say something like "Last Chance" in the subject line and I was hoping, "Oh! If I don't donate now, they'll stop sending me opportunities to do so." But drat and double-drat. Turns out Donald personally signed a MAGA hat for me and this is my absolute last chance to donate so they can send me my hat. If not, they're going to give it to someone else.

It breaks my heart but I'm thinking I just may have to let them give it to someone else.

Today's Video Link

Here's our second-favorite video to post each Christmas…

From the E-Mailbag…

Dave S Humphreys wrote with reference to my post on Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle

I've been reading your column for a while and it's become a part of my daily routine. I'm a little troubled by some phrasing in your post, namely …"because he raped some woman"…

The use of the word "some" sounds dismissive, like she was not someone worth of any consideration — just another anonymous bimbo. "A" woman would sound much better. Or mentioning her name (Virginia Rappe) would humanize her more. I don't believe he was guilty, myself, though I won't contest your saying that he raped a woman. That is your opinion.

I am not a feminist, but I was struck by the sad ending for this poor woman when I first read of it 40 years ago.

Thanks for all of the great content over the years.

I think I've been misinterpreted here. Maybe it was my fault. I don't think Arbuckle was guilty and I don't think the woman he was accused of harming was unworthy of any consideration. The lines that bothered you read…

…you've probably heard that his career ended because he raped some woman in a hotel room and she died. You may not have heard that he was totally exonerated of the crime but nonetheless banned from the silver screen.

Was he guilty? He went through three trials. The first two resulted in hung juries. The last one not only found him Not Guilty but also issued a statement that said that "…there was not the slightest proof adduced to connect him in any way with the commission of a crime." That's good enough for me to reach the conclusion that, like I said, he was totally exonerated. How could you have thought I thought he was guilty?

But most people haven't heard that part. They just heard he raped a woman and they don't know her name or care about it. With the word "some," I was not demeaning her…just saying that's how little most people knew of the case. (An awful lot of people also seem to think he raped her with a Coke bottle, though that does not seem to have been alleged or even mentioned by any prosecutor of the time. I believe it was a speculation in some newspaper and it caught the worst part of some folks' imagination, as did the whole wretched story.)

About three decades ago, I did a lot of research about Arbuckle for a project that never went the distance. I don't recall it all now…and since then, there have been a number of books so I probably need to brush up and update. But I do remember deciding that his banishment was inexcusable but understandable. Movies were still new and there were religious leaders benefiting from decrying Hollywood Decadence, to say nothing of the yellow journalism of the day that knew how to sell newspapers filled with lurid scandal.

Arbuckle was almost certainly innocent of what happened to Virginia Rappe but he did host what to much of America seemed like a "wild party" that flaunted conventional morality: Unescorted women, illegal drinking (during Prohibition), etc. The Hearst newspapers covering the trials made sure America heard that Ms. Rappe had a bad reputation. Whether he'd harmed her or not, Arbuckle was carousing with one of those "bad girls"…and of course, his weight and baby face made him a colorful player in the sinful drama.

Silent film producer Hal Roach told me the moguls of his business had sacrificed "Fatty" as a kind of appeasement to those who thought Hollywood was Sodom and Gomorrah rolled into one. It was like, "See? We got rid of the cancer!" He said they were afraid that "the public" would look too closely at the way they — the studio owners, that is — were living and partying and whoring and drinking. And I guess it worked…for them.

Getting back to why you wrote, Dave: I'm sorry you thought I thought Arbuckle was guilty or that Virginia Rappe was just "some woman." I never thought either for a minute. But it's the way a lot of people then saw it, making it another one of those "lessons for our time" from which very few people learn.

Today's Video Link

Okay, let's start the countdown! Here's our third-favorite video to post each Christmas…

Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 287

Among left-wing pundits who criticize the media, one sees a fascinating debate these days. We have all these leaks from the White House — Trump said this, Trump asked about that — that include some pretty shocking musings if he's really and truly serious about them. But it's clear from the man's track record that when Trump says even as a formal announcement he's going to do something, that doesn't mean he's ever going to do that thing. He was going to release his taxes. He was going to release a great new health plan to replace Obamacare with something that would be better and cheaper. He was going to make Mexico pay for The Wall.

(I suspect what he meant with that last one was he was going to get Mexico to buy Chris Hardwick's game show but I don't think he ever spent ten seconds on that.)

So the debate comes down to this: When someone tells someone that Trump is asking someone something about declaring Martial Law or issuing pardons to every Republican who has ever served him without betraying him…should that be headline news? Or do we ignore these unsourced (usually) vague "Trump asked about this in a meeting" reports as the daydreaming of a guy who only occasionally does what he says he's going to do?

I have no answer for this but a lot of people of varied political affiliations are worried he's going to do something CA-RAZY before he either vacates or is dragged kicking and screaming from the Oval Office. And I assume all presidents in private ask about or discuss actions that they have no intention of actually doing.


Sad to hear of the death at age 59 of Broadway star Rebecca Luker who was so lovely and perfect in the 2000 revival of The Music Man (which I saw) and a local production of She Loves Me (which I saw) and lots of other shows (which I didn't see). And how did I not know that she was married to Danny Burstein? Condolences to him and to us all.


On my "to do" list is sending out "thank you" e-mails to all those who've sent cash-type donations to this blog to note its twentieth anniversary. I hope to get them out before the twenty-first anniversary. I can't do that for those of you who've been using my Amazon link for your holiday shopping because I don't know who you are. But that is also appreciated.