Where has this method of tying a necktie been all my life?

What was the biggest dinosaur in history? Well, as David Goldenberg tells it, that's not as easy a question to answer as one might think.

As you may already know, I feed feral cats in my backyard. Lydia has been coming around since around 2007. She's the one I once had to trap and take in for a feline abortion. Sylvia's been around for a year or two less, plus we have occasional mystery guests.

Once in a while, they get the remnants of a roast turkey or rotisserie chicken I have around but most of the time, I put out Friskies — a mix of dry food and wet. The dry food is always the same mix called Seafood Sensations but the wet rotates — cans of beef, chicken, turkey and various fishes or sometimes combinations of two flavors.

When I go to pick out a can of something to give them, I sometimes think, "Hmm…they had beef last night. Maybe they'd like chicken tonight." Then I stop and wonder: Do they care? I've seen zero evidence that they wouldn't be just as happy if I bought a caseload of one flavor and gave them the same thing every single night of their lives.

It's easy to make the mistake of presuming a cat — and this is true of most animals — thinks at all like we do. Sylvia was briefly affectionate when she first showed up but at some point, she went totally feral and now won't come anywhere near a human being. She sits on the back steps to indicate she wants food but as soon as I open the patio door, she flees to a safe distance, waits there until I put the grub out and won't approach it until I've shut the door from the inside and latched it.

I keep thinking that after thousands of free meals served on this basis, she'll eventually figure out that the tall being is a friend who means her no harm. Then I remind myself that's ridiculous. There is no learning curve here. Some pussycats might pick up on that but fear of people is hardwired into her and that ain't gonna change.

In the same way, I deceive myself when I select canned food for them. I buy chicken, beef and turkey because that's what I eat, even though the chicken, beef and turkey in the Friskies cans is very different chicken, beef and turkey. But even if it was similar, why presume they'll like what I like? The cat I had when I was a kid would only eat one kind of canned cat food — Chopped Kidney. I'd rather eat cole slaw…and you know how I feel about cole slaw.

For all I know, whenever I give Lydia and Sylvia some Friskies entree which from the name sounds yummy to me, they turn to each other and say, "When is he going to stop with this Sliced Turkey in Gravy crap and give us some Chopped Kidney?"

I really have no idea here. They scarf down everything I give them including the dry food which does not even seem like food to me. A few weeks ago, I gave Lydia one bite of lobster from the half a lobster roll I brought home from a restaurant. She gobbled it down in two seconds and I thought she might be thinking, "Wow, this is the best thing he ever gave me." But then I realized she gobbles everything down with the same enthusiasm. I once saw her eat part of a dead mouse just as ravenously, maybe more so. (By the way: I would rather eat a dead mouse than cole slaw.)

It's one of those things I need to remember: I'm really fussy about what I eat but the felines who hang around my back yard are not. They eat whatever I put out and if they're hungry and I'm late with dinner, God knows what they eat. Probably something a lot worse than what I give them. I'm wasting my time trying to make dinnertime interesting so I'm canceling tonight's veal and goat cheese soufflé and just ordering them a couple of Big Macs.

As other folks (rightly) mourn the passing of David Bowie, I thought I'd mention Richard Libertini, who was so wonderful in…well, everything he did but the list would start with The In-Laws, Fletch and Sharky's Machine. He turned up in a lot of films and TV shows, often making small roles into memorable roles with his presence. He also did some cartoon voices from time to time, including the role of Wally Llama on Animaniacs.

I never met or worked with Mr. Libertini, which was my loss. I did see him working with some local improv comedy groups from time to time and he was always terrific. And you could tell he was much-loved and respected by his peers.

I can't think of a thing to write here beyond the obvious: Great performer. Important performer. Fine artist. Leaves behind a body of work that will endure forever. Very sad. Everything everyone else is saying is so true.

Former president Jimmy Carter and his foundation are reportedly very close to eradicating the guinea worm parasite from the face of this planet. They've already cut way, way down on the incidence of this disease. What an amazing achievement. Read all about it.

William Saletan calls Ted Cruz "the most spectacular liar ever to run for president." And explains why he thinks that.

I have to finish a script about a lazy, lasagna-eating cat so I may be neglecting this page today. Before I leave you…

Eric Idle discusses how much money he's made as a member of Monty Python.

That link was recommended to me by my longtime pal, Joe Brancatelli — the man who knows more about the airline industry than anyone in it. Here's Joe with tips on air travel during the winter and how you might avoid sleeping in the terminal. And here's Joe telling you some problems you may encounter this year.

If you're a fan of Lewis Black, you're nuts to not check out his webcasts. After every live appearance he makes, he does a 20 minute (or so) segment answering questions from the audience, including the audience watching on the web. It's broadcast live when it happens — follow his Twitter feed to know when that is — and then a day or so later, it turns up for viewing on this page. They aren't up there forever but at any given time, the last six or seven of them are there to be watched.

The Golden Globe Awards are tonight. Awards of this kind are only meaningful in two, maybe three senses. Awards make people feel good even when they know deep down how arbitrary the selection process is and how the pick may represent the opinions of a very small group of somebodies. Secondly, awards boost careers. Your movie may sell more tickets and you may get more offers of work for better money. And then there's the "maybe" one, which is that you may have a great time at the ceremony, win or lose and it may be a fun show. The Golden Globes are of real dubious validity on the first point, some worth on the second and a lot on the third, especially when Ricky Gervais hosts. Here's an article about who gives them out and who votes and how the more you know about this, the less impressive these awards are.

I'm looking forward to Samantha Bee's new show, which debuts on TBS on Monday, February 8. This article makes a big deal about how it'll be — and I quote: "…the only late-night satire program currently hosted by a woman, and one of very few in the decades-long history of the genre to feature a female star."

That's all well and good but I'm looking forward to it because Samantha Bee is very clever and funny. She did some of the best field pieces on The Daily Show and if she can deliver that standard on Full Frontal With Samantha Bee, she should have a terrific show.

Somehow when this show was announced, a lot of folks seem to have gotten the idea that it was a nightly hour talk show like Conan O'Brien's. It's actually a once-a-week half-hour that sounds more like John Oliver's show, though with the host doing more remotes. I would imagine TBS will run each episode several times throughout the week and I hope viewers can find it. Conan has suffered somewhat from being on a channel where many people do not expect to see original programming.

The article suggests some bitterness about her not being considered for the host job on The Daily Show. (So did her body language on Jon Stewart's last episode.) Maybe it was just a matter of money but if not, I'm thinking Comedy Central made a mistake letting her and Jason Jones get away.

The Word of the Year has been announced. I don't really care what it is just so long as it isn't "meta."

Gee, I wonder what would happen if you stuck 10,000 sparklers in a pot and lit them all at the same time…

My pal Dana Gabbard suggested I post a link to this. It's a long Washington Post story about the various Republican candidates for president and how and why they got into the race…and how a few got out. Take a look.

Will Oremus thinks the taxi industry is doomed; that even if they can hurriedly reinvent their business to be more like Uber or Lyft, it's too late. I don't have any particular opinion on that but I do think that unless they are regulated out of existence, ride-sharing enterprises like Uber are here to stay.

I've been taking a lot of Ubers lately. My knee is almost to the point where I won't feel irresponsible getting behind the wheel of my car. Actually, I did get behind its wheel this week just to start it and discovered that either (a) my battery is dead or (b) my battery is dead and my alternator is on the fritz. The car wouldn't start but every light on the dashboard came on and flashed to a disco beat. I'm not going to deal with this until I'm ready to drive again because if it's just the battery and the Auto Club can jump it, I'm not ready to then drive around for a while to get it fully recharged. Or if I have it towed-in and repaired, I'm not ready to go pick it up and drive it home. But soon.

Anyway, I've had naught but good Uber experiences lately. Even had a driver who told me a list of his favorite comic books and included Groo the Wanderer among them. He said this after, in response to his query, I told him I wrote comics but before I'd told him which ones or he knew my last name. Guess who got a good rating.

But I would have given him one anyway because it was a fine ride in a nice car and I can't think of any way a taxicab could have topped it — except maybe to have better insurance if we got into a collision, which we didn't. They've all been like that lately. If I ran a cab company, I'd sure be worried.

Matt Taibbi writes about Ammon Bundy and his band of self-proclaimed patriot thugs. You may be surprised to find out that Matt thinks they're pretty pathetic and stupid.

A music video with Josh Groban, Lindsey Stirling and the Muppets…