In 1967, Zero Mostel appeared in a TV special called Zero Hour. Does anyone have a copy?

I met Robert Goulet a grand total of once. It was backstage after an appearance he made in Las Vegas and he was charming and friendly and able to tread an amazing line of ego, being simultaneously self-deprecating but very proud of the performance he had just finished.

Three things I remember. One is that even though he was getting on in years, you could see that at one point, this man was handsome enough to make you hate him. Secondly, that face lit up when I asked him about Alan Jay Lerner, his old friend and one of the creators of the Broadway play, Camelot, which brought stardom to Goulet and vice-versa. He said that in a perfect world, Lerner would still be alive and writing shows as good as that one (or My Fair Lady) and he [Goulet] would be happy to do nothing in life but star in them. Forget the movies and the TV appearances and the records and the concerts. He just wanted to be in shows as good as the one he did with Lerner and Loewe.

Well, at least that's what he said. I'm not sure I believe him, though I'm sure that at that moment, he believed it.

And the third thing I remember was that he told me a joke I can't repeat here, not because it was dirty but because the punch line was insulting to another performer — one who, if the rumors are true, will be the subject of an obit here before long. The funny thing is that a few years later, I worked with that other performer and he told me the same joke…but the punchline was about Robert Goulet. I'll tell it here after the other guy's gone.

I saw Goulet perform that night in Vegas and I saw him again a few years ago at Carnegie Hall in New York. It was part of a salute to Alan Jay Lerner, and he and Kristin Chenoweth did justice to the man's songs. He was very good that evening. But then he was always good, which is why he had such a long and magnificent career.

Here's another video you won't watch in full, at least not now. It's an entire episode — fifty-three whole minutes — of Jackie Gleason's American Scene Magazine, which was the variety show Mr. Gleason did for CBS beginning in 1962 and continuing for much of the sixties. They eventually dropped the "magazine" format and in any case, it was usually referred to as The Jackie Gleason Show, anyway.

This episode features Art Carney in a long Honeymooners sketch with Sue Ane Langdon as Alice. There's also Frank Fontaine and The June Taylor Dancers…and he doesn't get billing up front but there's a musical performance in there by an excruciatingly-young Wayne Newton. Also, there's a musical sketch with songs by James Shelton, Mary Rodgers and Martin Charnin, and your announcer is Johnny Olson. It is said that Mr. Gleason would not do a show without the high-energy warm-ups (written about here) of Johnny Olson. This show was done in New York, probably in the studio where Dave Letterman now tapes. But later, when Gleason moved his whole operation to Miami, he'd have Johnny fly down on tape days to do the warm-up and announcing chores.

And awaaaaay we go—!

Avi Klein has a fascinating article about the suicide of Lyndon LaRouche's printer. You all remember LaRouche, who pops up here and there with political goals that are, to say the least, a bit hard to fathom. Well, the guy who's been printing his pamphlets is no more, and it's triggered a rather odd chain of events.

By the way: The upcoming presidential election is the first time in 32 years that LaRouche has not been an active candidate. Given his past performance, it probably won't make any difference in his vote total. And he'll still finish ahead of Alan Keyes.

Last week, when fires were popping up all over Southern California like Pinkberry Yogurt Shops — and doing almost as much damage — the wonderful folks at FEMA staged a bogus press conference. You may have heard about it. It looked like reporters were asking questions but it was really FEMA staff members asking prearranged questions and…well, it was another embarrassment to an organization that you'd think, by this time, would be darn hard to embarrass.

The director of external affairs of FEMA, John "Pat" Philbin, is now the former director of external affairs for FEMA. In an interview today (a real one, oddly enough), he made the following statement that I felt needed to be stared at for a few minutes…

I did not have good situational awareness of what was happening.

Well, there's part of the problem right there. "Situational awareness?" We have a guy here who doesn't even know how to say, "I didn't know what the hell was going on," let alone figure it out.

The other day here, I told you about an episode of the old I've Got a Secret game show in which Groucho Marx appeared…and his secret was that he wasn't answering the questions asked by the panel. The panel was blindfolded and the questions were being answered by comedian Dayton Allen impersonating Groucho's voice.

Every few weeks, GSN runs an old I've Got a Secret very early Sunday morning. This A.M., by a strange coincidence, they ran that very episode, the one I was just talking about. It originally aired on 10/28/63, by the way.

That's about all I have to say on the subject. I just thought I ought to mention it and give you a frame grab to prove it. There. Now I can go to bed.

Last August, we told you about a place called The Stoogeum…a private museum dedicated to a group of men who used to stick their fingers into each others' eyes. Here's your chance to get a five minute tour…

I misremembered and I thank all who've written to jog my memory. The bogus hour-long adventure show — the one I mentioned in this post, the one that never existed — wasn't an eighties' spin on Mission: Impossible. That show was produced and did exist. What I was remembering was the claim that a studio had secretly produced an updated version of the old Mr. Lucky TV show with John Vivyan and Ross Martin. That one never existed.

Which raises two interesting questions: Why hasn't someone produced an updated version of the old Mr. Lucky TV show? And why hasn't someone released the old one on DVD?

I just received an e-mail — part of a mass mailing from WGA President Patric Verrone, that says a lot of the same things I said here about a half hour ago. The difference, of course, is that he knows what he's talking about. Patric's a pretty smart guy, by the way, and he seems to have as much trust as any WGA President could possibly ever have from such a contentious group.

Nikki Finke has posted the text of it on her weblog…and if you're interested in what's going on, you might keep an eye on that weblog. But again, don't believe everything you read from any unofficial source, and that includes my weblog.

Basically, Patric says that they're anticipating a lowball, last minute offer that may leave us no alternative but to strike. Well, that's okay. I put off taking my usual daily walk this weekend because I figure I'm going to be getting plenty of exercise. A deep sigh, a shaking of the head and eyes rolling upwards.

Does someone reading this have a copy of an original printing (only) of any of the first ten issues of Captain America by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby from the forties? One that isn't sealed in plastic and can be opened and scanned? And do they have a good quality scanner? If you are such a person, please drop me an e-mail.

Well, Boomerang ran the Hanna-Barbera Alice in Wonderland special I wanted to see again and record. Unfortunately, they said it was 50 minutes long and my TiVo believed those liars. My copy clipped off the last few minutes…my fault for not being smart enough to pad the recording. Darn. I shall endeavor to learn from my mistake.

We're hearing nothing too positive about the status of negotiations between the AMPTP and the WGA regarding a new contract…and before I get into that, I'd like to make two points. One is that the folks inside the WGA — the Negotiating Committee, the officers, the staff, etc. — have told me nothing. Anything posted here is me speculating based on past histories and the current lack of good news. In situations like this, it's not too pessimistic to assume that a dearth of good news is because there ain't any.

Second point: Lies and bogus stories will be told. That is as certain as anything can be certain. In every WGA strike I've lived through — which is what now? A hundred and fifty? — there have been rumors, often attributed to good sources, that have proven utterly and wholly false. Expect them. Count on them. I'll toss out one example…

A few days into the '88 strike, a very prominent writer-producer — a man with more Emmys than toes — told me that the WGA was doomed because the studios, prepping for our walkout, had secretly filmed or taped plenty of shows to keep them going in our absence. Not only that, he told me the names, premises and cast lists of a couple. One starring Jack Klugman, he said, had taped 13 wonderful episodes and there was some hour-long adventure show that was an eighties' spin on Mission: Impossible [CORRECTION: See here.] that had eight episodes in the can and a whole pile of scripts ready to film. The amount of detail he had made it all seem very credible, as did the fact that this was a very honest, successful writer-producer…but none of these shows were ever seen, during the strike or after. Why? Because they never existed. Someone had made up a phony story and this guy had fallen for it and was passing it along.

One other point: At some stage, you'll probably start hearing about Binding Arbitration: This side has proposed Binding Arbitration. That side has refused Binding Arbitration. Talk like that. When tensions are high and folks are looking for a magic genie to end the madness, they often seize on Binding Arbitration as the fairy dust that can make everything right. But it can't. Not in a contract negotiation of this sort. In order to submit a dispute to Binding Arbitration, the two parties that can't come to an agreement have to agree on the rules of Binding Arbitration. The Binding Arbitrators don't just come in and carve up the baby based on nothing. Arbitrators enforce rules and if two sides are at an impasse, it's highly unlikely that either side would consent to rules that might yield a decision that went against them. So just forget about that idea.

Anyway, the sense I'm getting is that the Producers are still sticking with the idea that the business is hurting and that Writers (and next year, Actors and Directors) simply have to take less. At the same time, the Writers are sticking with the principle that they will not accept rollbacks; won't even accept a status quo deal that does not address several big concerns like New Technologies and Expanded Jurisdiction. So right there, you have all you need for a 24-Karat, accept-no-substitutes Writers Guild Strike.

It would be nice to think the Producers are executing a major fakeout here; that they're signalling that their Final Offer will be really, really bad so it will seem more acceptable when it turns out to only be really bad. That would still probably trigger a strike but maybe not as nasty a strike as the really, really bad offer. I'm afraid though we're in for the latter.

The contract expires Wednesday. Thursday evening, the WGA will convene a huge membership meeting at a location to be determined. If you're a member, watch for the announcement.

John W. Dean makes a good point in an article entitled Government Surveillance Threatens Your Freedom, Even If You Have Nothing To Hide.

That's true. And of course, the other issue in play at the moment is whether anyone should watch the watchmen. Proponents of the Bush-Cheney surveillance plans keep trying to frame the debate as if opponents object to spying on terrorists. But the true objection is to the spying being done without accountability so that no one will know if the spying is done, say, on political opponents. I think someone should be asking the folks pushing the unrestricted spying if they really think the President of the United States, whoever it is at any given moment, should have the unsupervised right to spy on any American for any reason without oversight…and if so, how that jibes with that thing we call The Constitution.

We're probably at least a month or two from hearing the following question asked. But it will be asked and I'm curious to know what the answer will be…

So, Senator McCain, now that you've had to drop out of the race for President, will you be endorsing a Republican nominee who condones and even recommends the use of torture?

Just wondering what he'll say. Just as I wonder if Ron Paul will fall in line behind a G.O.P. nominee who wants to "get the job done" in Iraq and also to ignore all those bothersome Constitutional questions about executive power.