Fun at the Market

There's a supermarket strike on in L.A. In truth, only one chain — Von's — is being struck but the other two large chains (Ralph's and Albertson's) have locked out all union employees in a gesture of solidarity and/or retaliation. So we have picket lines up at most of the major markets. I would never cross a picket line in any case but in this one, the union seems uncommonly in the right. Either way, it doesn't affect me that much. I do a lot of my shopping at Gelson's, which signed an interim agreement with the union, and at the Whole Foods Market and sometimes at Trader Joe's.

Based on my experience this afternoon at Trader Joe's, I may be going there more often. I usually regard marketing as an annoying chore but today, it was unusually fun. The Trader Joe's (at Sepulveda and Palms) was crowded but not uncomfortably so. In almost every aisle, they were passing out free samples of something yummy, plus every shopper got a free half-gallon container of organic orange juice. This, we heard, was because a screw-up in distribution had left them hopelessly overstocked with the stuff, so they decided to give it away. The lady in charge of handing it out was actually chasing down shoppers who didn't have o.j. in their baskets and forcing free juice on them.

Because of the strike elsewhere, a lot of new customers were venturing into Trader Joe's. There were posters up to welcome the newbies and to explain to them about how Trader Joe's doesn't stock most of the brand names they're used to seeing at Ralph's. Nevertheless, there were many sales in progress along with all the freebees. Everything I wanted to purchase was in-stock and reasonably priced.

But the main thing you couldn't help but notice — and it certainly qualifies as a positive for some shoppers — was that the place was full of great-looking women wearing almost no clothing. It was as if they'd advertised deep discounts for anyone who could pass for a super-model and was willing to shop near-naked. I saw about as much of the young lady ahead of me in the checkout line as I did of my first three girl friends, combined. Appropriately, at the exit, there was a man collecting signatures on a petition to get the City Council to reverse its ban on lap-dancing, only he wasn't selling it as that. I actually witnessed the following exchange…

PETITIONER: Excuse me, would you like to sign —

WOMAN SHOPPER: (eagerly) Is this to recall Arnold? Where do I sign?

PETITIONER: No, it's to reverse a City Council action that places undue restrictions on night clubs. It's harming the income of a lot of single mothers.

WOMAN SHOPPER: (as she signs) Okay, but are you sure you don't have one to recall the governor?

The main thing that struck me about the store was the friendly atmosphere I encountered. Free food and scantily-clad women will do that. It even dawned on me that the guy with the petition might be wasting his time. If Trader Joe's is always going to be like that, who needs lap-dancing?

Hey, Rube!

See that man? That's the great cartoonist, Rube Goldberg, whose name became a part of the English language. He drew comic strips about bizarre machines that went to elaborate lengths to accomplish something trivial and now, when people build one, they sometimes call it "a Rube Goldberg device." This website will tell you all about the late Mr. Goldberg…but that's not the main link I wanted to mention here. Over at an online film collection called the Prelinger Archives, they have hundreds of old, obscure short films available for your viewing pleasure. This one stars Rube and shows him at the drawing board and such.

I should warn you: If you start browsing around on that site, you could waste an awful lot of your life. Of particular interest to some will be the movies that forecast nuclear holocaust or warn you about the evils of drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. There's a hysterical film tract which was produced by the infamous Charles Keating in which TV newsman George Putnam lectures us on the evils of pornography, and a number of hoary commercials. Go there at your own risk.

Perfectly Frank

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Versatility is a great thing. I always like (and, truth be known, envy) people who can do at least a little of a lot of different things. I guess I first knew Frank Buxton as a TV host. He presided over a game show for ABC called Get The Message and, even better, hosted an afternoon kids' show called Discovery, which managed to be both educational and entertaining at the same time…no easy feat. He was a frequent guest on a number of New York-based talk and game shows and even did cartoon voices now and then. He was, for example, the voice of Batfink, star of a wonderfully silly animated show of the same name. That's a picture of Batfink above at right, posing in all his heroic glory.

And Frank Buxton was even one of the writer-performers who worked with Woody Allen to redub the legendary What's Up, Tiger Lily? with highly amusing new dialogue. So all that made for a pretty impressive list of achievements right there. All of these things were done out of New York.

Later on, I became aware of another guy named Frank Buxton. This one was based in Los Angeles and he was a writer, producer and director of TV shows, including many done for Paramount. He worked on Love, American Style and The Odd Couple, to name two. Later on, he directed Mork and Mindy during the years that Jonathan Winters and Robin Williams were co-starring and, according to the rumor mill, occasionally actually doing lines from the script.

I kept seeing the name "Frank Buxton" turning up on TV shows that I liked. One was a Saturday morning show called Hot Dog which ran on NBC from 1970 to 1971. It was the most entertaining "educational" show I'd seen since…well, since Discovery. The premise was that they'd ask a question about how something was made or manufactured — like, "How is spaghetti made?" or "How is money printed?" and then three "experts" would each give their theories. The experts were Jo Anne Worley, Jonathan Winters and — incredibly — Woody Allen. That's right: Woody Allen was a regular on a Saturday morning kids' show. He, Jo Anne and Jonathan would give their funny answers and then the show would present the right answer, with film shot in a spaghetti company or at the Mint or wherever.

I was a little puzzled as to whether the Frank Buxton who did this show was the West Coast producer-writer who also did The Odd Couple or the East Coast performer who'd hosted Discovery and played Batfink. It could have been the former, since I knew he was a producer, or the latter since he had the connection to Woody Allen. And to really make it baffling, there was also a wonderful, almost definitive book on old-time radio called The Big Broadcast (published in '73 and still in-print) co-authored by one of those Frank Buxtons…or maybe it was a third guy. I wasn't sure.

As I eventually learned, these were all the same Frank Buxton: Author, actor, producer, writer, director, historian, voiceover specialist, etc. I just had lunch with him today at my favorite Chinese restaurant and I was half-expecting him to go in the back, cook our meals, then go out to the parking lot and replace the spark plugs in my car. Talk about your multi-talented individuals. We met briefly when he did a voice on the Garfield and Friends cartoon show, but I didn't get to tell him how much I admired Discovery and Hot Dog, among his other achievements. And we didn't get to swap anecdotes and discover the rather stunning list of mutual acquaintances we share. A lot of you who read this website got mentioned this afternoon over the Cashew Chicken.

What's he working on these days? Well, he just finished a run playing Sheridan Whiteside in a production I wish I'd seen of The Man Who Came to Dinner. And among other activities, he's working to get the old episodes of Hot Dog released on DVD, which I think would do very well. I'd sure like to see that happen and if you remember the show, so do you. I'll report here on any progress he makes but I wanted to mention what a great time I had lunching with all those Frank Buxtons today. Even though he didn't tune-up my engine.

The Big Bet

A week ago, I made a small wager with a friend that seven days hence, Donald Rumsfeld would be changing jobs. As of today, Secretary Rumsfeld is still Secretary Rumsfeld…and we've decided to go double-or-nothing for another week.

Book Retort

My friend Peter Sanderson is doing an extended review of the new book on Stan Lee by Jordan Raphael and Tom Spurgeon. Here's the first part of his essay. I agree with some of it and disagree with some of it, and may write something later to explain which is which.

More Jobs Lost

Another sector of the work force that's taking a hit these days is in political cartooning. You can read all about it here. And thank my pal Dan Gheno for calling my attention to the piece.

Post-Game Show

The credibility of The New York Post takes another downward plunge. Read all about it here.

Leaks

I cribbed this from Atrios, who is one of the leading left-wing bloggers. It's a paragraph from an honest-to-God news item

Bush told his senior aides Tuesday that he "didn't want to see any stories" quoting unnamed administration officials in the media anymore, and that if he did, there would be consequences, said a senior administration official who asked that his name not be used.

Wouldn't it be embarrassing to be the guy who got fired for leaking that one?

Comic Strips on Parade

Clark J. Holloway has some great web pages about comic strips. Here's a terrific history of Bringing Up Father (aka "Maggie and Jiggs"). And here's another one devoted to Alley Oop.

Great Nixon Quotes

Someone just sent me a transcript of the 1978 Playboy magazine interview with David Frost. This was conducted just after Frost had conducted his historic interviews of Richard M. Nixon. To Playboy, he told the following anecdote which I've always thought was indicative of something quite amazing (I'm not sure what) about our thirty-seventh president…

Small talk, of course, is never easy with Nixon. For instance, one day, Nixon — wanting to be one of the boys — turned to me as we strolled in to start taping and said, "Did you do any fornicating this weekend?" And I just could not believe he'd said that. Quite apart from the fact that lovers use the word fornicating about as regularly as newsmen say, "Well, we've managed to trivialize matters again tonight, Henry." I mean, I just couldn't believe it. One almost had to warm to the sheer clumsiness of it all. It really did fascinate me that Nixon could have gotten through 30 years of politics, of attending countless fund raisers and such, and still be so bad at small talk.

One thing that's interesting about it is that as the transcripts of the infamous White House tapes show, Nixon was not at all reticent about using the more common "f" word around his buddies and underlings. Leaving aside the question of why he would even inquire about David Frost's sexual exploits, you have to wonder why the choice of the word, "fornicating?" Was it because Frost was British? Did he talk to Margaret Thatcher that way?

Recommended Reading

I haven't mentioned Spinsanity lately so here's a mention of the most rational political site on the web. The folks there debunk and fact-check articles and speeches by prominent politicos and commentators from all corners of the political spectrum. They just posted a bunch of articles that catch Michael Moore, Bill O'Reilly and William Safire distorting the truth, as well as various people who've recently attacked Wesley Clark and John Ashcroft with bogus data. I wish there were more websites that could recognize bullshit from other than their political opponents.

My Favorite Yearbook

In 1974, the National Lampoon folks published one of their crowning achievements: A mythical 1964 high school yearbook owned by student Larry Kroger. The yearbook was written by Doug Kenney and Michael O'Donoghue, and its art direction and photos were as funny as its text. The book went through several printings and was obviously much-treasured by those who purchased it. Copies rarely turn up on eBay or in used book shops, so it was about time the current National Lampoon proprietors (whoever they are, this week) reprinted the thing. Here's the link to order a copy of the new edition which is in hardcover and which contains a new foreword by P.J. O'Rourke and a "Where Are They Now?" feature which presumably notes that Larry Kroger went on to college where he pledged National Lampoon's Animal House.

I say "presumably" because I haven't seen a copy of the reissue, though I've ordered one. I'm told the printing is not ideal and that the whole thing is on one paperstock, whereas the original printing involved several in order to better simulate a real yearbook and various inserts. But since you're not about to find an original for $14 or anything near that, this should be well worth having.

By the way: I just realized that the movie, National Lampoon's Animal House, was set in 1962 but Larry Kroger's high school yearbook is from 1964. So maybe it's a different Larry Kroger.