On December 18, 2000, this blog was born. The site had a different name and address, and there was really no good blogging software then so I hand-coded it. But that was no big deal because I figured to only post an item or two each week. That plan didn't last long.

Eventually, I converted to this name, this address and this software, after a few years with a different software. As soon as I post this, there will be 26,119 posts up here. If that sounds like a lot, look at it this way: This blog started 6,574 days ago so it's an average of only a little less than four a day.

I have not written them all, at least by myself. A crop of very sharp readers (I like to think…) send in good questions or recommend fine links. So some of you deserve some of the credit.

In that time, I have occasionally thought about blogging less but never for long. I don't think I've ever considered giving it up…or taking advertising or setting up a paywall or anything which might make it more profitable. The Amazon links bring in roughly the amount of money that it costs me to have this thing online via a not-cheap hosting company that almost never goes down. Since I moved to them a few years ago, we've averaged about sixteen minutes a year of offline time. My two previous hosting companies were averaging sixteen offline minutes a week and sixteen a day, respectively.

That's about all I have to say here. Thank you for your support and your patronage. And I'm sorry I can't give up all that paying work and just do this for a living. The previous sentence is only about 10% accurate.

One of those videos I post each year just before Christmas and maybe my favorite…

Take it away, Michael Kilgore…

At the end of your dream scenario of Alec Baldwin renouncing his role for the duration, I pictured that in my mind with him obviously reading the statement off cue cards, as he so often does, which would ruin the effect. I suppose that's a necessary trade-off for getting that level of celebrity to keep coming back, but I find staring offstage as noticeable as you find Colbert show editing.

In your variety show background (or elsewhere), have you ever had to nudge an Important Guest Star away from the cards to improve their performance?

No because all of the variety shows I worked on were taped and then edited for broadcast so the use of cue cards was severely limited. I only recall one or two times we used them on the shows I did for Sid and Marty Krofft and there were good reasons in those few instances.

I can almost justify the use of cue cards on Saturday Night Live because it is live and if an actor "dried up" (forgot his or her lines), you'd wind up with on-air break-ups or prompting or other breaches that are less professional than using cue cards. You're also dealing with a succession of guest hosts who don't have experience in live television and sometimes with sketches that are rewritten at the last minute. You kind of need the cards there in case of emergency. I would agree though that some actors aren't good at avoiding the kind of offstage staring that rankles you. When I worked with Dick Clark, he was real good at reading cue cards without looking like he was reading cue cards.

I think maybe I've been giving D.J. Trump too much credit.  For a year or three now, I've been looking at his infamous tweets and thinking there was method in their madness; that while they seemed nonsensical and petulant to me, they weren't directed at me and must have been achieving some desired effect on his base.

To folks like me, they seemed like little mini-tantrums by an unstable guy who got pissed about something, snatched up his iPhone and thumbed out the first primal thought that came into his mind without running it past a saner head or even asking himself, "Will it help me or anyone if I send this out?"  Even I take that pause before I post to the 'net and I'm not under investigation, subject to impeachment, imbued with the power of the presidency, etc.

I really thought he wasn't just firing without thinking but his over-the-weekend whine about Saturday Night Live making fun of him causes me to think, "No, he really is that childish."  I guess he doesn't ask anyone, "Do you think this is a wise thing to send out?" before he hits "Tweet."  Even the White House Custodial Engineer could have told him he'd just look like a big baby, and that the crackdown he calls for will never, ever happen.

The SNL sketch that sent him off — reportedly, their It's a Wonderful Life "remake" — wasn't even the harshest thing they've done about him. The cold open I'd like to see them do would go something like this: They'd have an Oval Office setting and they'd trot out all the usual players — Matt Damon as Brett Kavanaugh, Ben Stiller as Michael Cohen, the shirtless guy as Putin, etc. — and right in the middle of it, Alec Baldwin stops in mid-sentence, everyone on stage freezes and Baldwin breaks character…

He pulls off the wig, turns to everyone and says, "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. This man is no longer a clown to make fun of. This man is doing so much damage to the country I love and causing so much anxiety and pain among the poor and the non-white that I can't make fun of his hair anymore. This is much more serious than that."

He walks off, the other cast members look at each other to ask "What do we do now?" And then they all realize he's right and they start pulling off their wigs and appliances and in unison, they tell the camera, "Live from New York…" etc., and the show proceeds with no more Trump imitations. Until he's no longer a threat.

My cold is gone…and thank you all for the home remedy suggestions, none of which I followed. I find that the few illnesses I get go away in a few days if I get lotsa sleep, drink lotsa water and don't stress out.  I don't know about your health but following what Trump's done lately has sometimes been hazardous to mine.

I'm writing something today that I really like.  I don't know if anyone else will but I'm enjoying writing it so I think I'll do just that the rest of the day and make this the extent of my blogging.   I'll be back to you tomorrow.

A baby chick is born…

I'm already sick of articles handicapping the 2020 election. We are in the most volatile and unprecedented time ever in terms of this nation's political news. No one knows what the Mueller Report is going to say or even when it's going to say it. No one knows who'll be indicted, who'll be convicted, who'll be exonerated or what the crimes, if any, may be. They don't even know for sure if Trump can or will be indicted on at least one crime we already know about.

And you just know that two months from now, we're going to be talking about scandals that no one has heard about right now. I dunno whose scandals they'll be but there will be some. And Trump looks like he's about one sizzling revelation away from running screaming down Pennsylvania Avenue. Six months from now, we could have a trained otter somewhere high on the Presidential Succession List.

So don't tell me Trump can't win or can't lose. I won't even entertain predictions as to which country he'll be a citizen of by Memorial Day. Don't tell me that on the Democratic side in '20, it's going to be Biden and Beto…or Hillary and Elizabeth Warren…or a slate consisting of an iRobot® Roomba® and a guy who talks like Jerry Lewis but in Swedish. Nobody has a clue.

In the ten days between now and Christmas, there's going to be at least one game-changing revelation about somebody or something that no one can imagine at this moment. Maybe Natasha will flip on Boris and reveal that Trump offered a $50 million apartment to Fearless Leader. The only thing you can bank on with any assurance is that no matter what Lindsey Graham says, there's a video clip somewhere of him saying the exact opposite.

That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for listening.

I've never had a reason to want to go to Bakersfield, California but I might just consider it now. Turns out, it's the location of the last Woolworth luncheonette counter. Wouldn't you like to eat there just once? I mean, even if the food stinks, which it probably doesn't but even if it did?

I presently have three comic book conventions scheduled for 2019, all of them so close I'll be driving to them. Two are in March and one is in July. Here are the two for March…

March 7 thru 10, I'll be down in San Diego for the San Diego Comic Fest, a casual, not-too-big gathering where you won't find massive crowds, long lines, big movie stars, hundreds of people dressed as Harley Quinn, an exhibit hall the size of the Louisiana Purchase…or very much that isn't about comic books or cartoons.  I've been to most of these and I always have a good time.

Those of you who think conventions have gotten too big and too crowded and too full of cosplayers and A-thru-K-level "celebrities" selling their signatures do have an alternative, you know.  There are hundreds of smaller conventions, many of them themed to narrow areas of interest.  This one's not that narrow in that it's themed to comics of the past (mostly) and a few related areas.  Clicking the banner above will take you to their website where you can check out the Guest List and get more details.  And if you want a somewhat larger con, just three weeks later we have…

WonderCon is run by the same folks who run Comic-Con International in San Diego every July so you know they really know how to throw a con.  It's a smaller affair, roughly a third the size.  That means that instead of having ten times more things that you want to see, you will only have 3.33 times as many.  That can be a major advantage, especially because you can get badges for it.  Right now, all days are available.  This will not be the case in March or maybe even February but at this moment, you can get them.  Also, if you've never been to the San Diego affair and what you've heard intimidates you, here's the shallow end of the pool.

Again, click on the banner above to get more info.  I'll tell you more about the panels I'll be doing at both cons once I have more of a clue.   And of course, the third convention I'm scheduled for next year is Comic-Con, for which badges are no longer available.  These two aren't sold out so get in while you can.

A federal-type judge in Texas has just ruled that the Affordable Care Act is unconstitutional. Before you become enraged or even celebrate, read Kevin Drum's take on the situation. This is the kind of thing he's really good at.

Cookie Monster goes to the library…

So…do we think Chris Christie really turned down the job of Chief of Staff to Donald Trump? Or did he know he wasn't going to be offered it and he got out ahead of the story in order to try and convince people he's still important enough that he might be asked?

And if he really did turn it down, was it because he had the common sense to know that anyone in the job would be verbally abused by Trump no end, then fired and verbally abused even more?

And if Stephen Colbert was doing a new show tonight, how far into the monologue would he be saying, "Chris Christie never turned down a job or a donut"?

Today is the first day of this cold where I don't feel quite as bad as I sound. My voice is somewhere between Barry White and late-in-life Lucille Ball but my head no longer feels like a touring company of Riverdance is using it for a rehearsal hall. By Monday, I might even sound and/or feel like me.

I just received — and by "just," I mean as I was typing the previous paragraph — a "screener" DVD of Mary Poppins Returns. It says that they're pushing Lin-Manuel Miranda for Best Actor, and in the category of Best Supporting Actor, they want us to consider Ben Whishaw, Dick Van Dyke and Colin Firth. For Best Actress, they list Emily Blunt (of course). For Best Supporting Actress, they list Emily Mortimer, Meryl Streep (of course) and Angela Lansbury.

I have another New Rule for Bill Maher. New Rule: HBO has to stagger seasons and vacations so Real Time with Bill Maher and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver are never both on hiatus at the same time.

I'm now going to go eat a big bowl of chicken noodle soup. This is not because of my cold. I just like chicken noodle soup.

Our pal Floyd Norman, who worked on the original Mary Poppins movie, loves the sequel just fine. And I know Floyd well enough to know that if he didn't, he'd say so. Loud and clear.

Hey, whatever happened to my old pal, Jeff Altman? Well, he married a lady from Raleigh, North Carolina and they now live in Wendell, which is right outside Raleigh. Jeff was and I'll bet still is one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life, though lately he's been focusing on one of his other skills, sleight-o'-hand magic.

One night last century, we were backstage in the big room of the Comedy Store. Jeff was waiting to go on, which meant waiting for another comedian to finish. The gent who was on stage was a fairly well-known comic who Jeff thought was unfunny and undeserving of his rep. I kinda agreed but it didn't bother me half as much as it seemed to bother Jeff.

As the fellow on stage concluded, Jeff said to me, "You got a stopwatch on your watch? Time me and yell out when five minutes are up. I'll get more laughs than that guy did in his whole twenty-minute set and I won't say a word." Okay, fine. I took a position at one side of the stage as Jeff was introduced.

He went out there and did five minutes of wordless physical comedy — making faces, contorting his body, doing pratfalls, doing silly walks that put John Cleese's to shame, etc. It was one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen in my life and the audience concurred. I was laughing so hard I almost forgot to keep track of how long it was going on but at the proper moment, I yelled, "Time!" And Jeff immediately assumed a dignified stance and manner, took the mike and said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Jeff Altman and I'm from Syracuse, New York." He got a standing ovation then and there.

He was not only funnier than the guy who preceded him but he was funnier than anyone else who was on that stage that night. And I've seen him do cards too. He's great. Here's where he is these days…

I mentioned earlier here today that Trump "has this maddening way of insisting that mutually-exclusive positions are both true."

Well, journalist Eric Levitz has compiled a list of seven mutually-exclusive statements by Trump about the payoffs for which his former lawyer is heading for jail.

I have the feeling that all this stuff about payoffs to cover affairs is going to just disappear when indictments start coming out relating to Russia.