I paid no attention to him this last weekend and it was a nice weekend because of it. But it's back to work now and back to reading stuff like this…

• Brian Resnick says that people who support Donald Trump don't care if he's lying. Gee, that's odd. I know a number of them and they sure cared like hell when they thought Barack Obama was lying about something.
• Jonathan Chait rebuts someone's claim that Donald Trump could have run as a Democrat and been elected. I think Chait's right that the person claiming that is wrong but for different reasons. I think that if Republicans were opposing Trump, they could have done a much better job that Democrats did of selling his lies and gaffes and uncouth statements and talk of pussy-grabbing as proof that the man was utterly unfit for public office.
• Fred Kaplan on what happened when Trump sat down with Putin. And guess what! Trump accepted Putin's denials that the Russians did anything to impact the outcome of the presidential election. Well, I guess that settles it.
• Andrew Kahn discusses how the Trump-Putin relationship keeps being described like a gay relationship. Is that homophobia? Is it insulting to gays? I dunno. It does seem like in some circles, the worst thing you can say about someone is that they're gay, especially when they probably aren't.  I don't much like that.
• John Cassidy on what Trump is doing to America's standing in the international community. It's a lot like what happens to your plumbing when you call in Larry, Moe and Curly to fix it.

A lot of people think Stephen Colbert owes his bump in the ratings to Donald Trump. Jonathan Merritt wonders if maybe it might be someone else…like, say, God. Me, I think it's Trump.

I try to hold down the plugs for stuff that makes me money but I have some comic books out or coming out. The first issue of the new Groo mini-series, Groo: Play of the Gods will be released to coincide with Comic-Con. It's a four-issue series in which, you may find it hard to believe, Groo does some stupid things and causes vast amounts of destruction. Surprising, I know but we thought it would be a novel change from all those issues in which Groo causes vast amounts of destruction and does some stupid things.

I continue to write Garfield stories for the occasional Garfield specials that Boom Studios issues. And Boom has partnered with Dynamite Comics for a Garfield & Grumpy Cat crossover mini-series and I wrote that, too. That'll be out in a few months. I'll let you know when we have a precise release date.

One or two e-mails a week ask me why I so rarely mention these things here and one guy just asked if I was ashamed of them. Certainly not, guy. I just sometimes find the pushing of one's own products on the Internet a bit tacky. When I see a really egregious example of it — and it's hard not to — it make me uncomfy to be doing that myself. I probably need to get over this.

Meanwhile, DC Comics has collected in one volume, Superman Meets Bugs Bunny, a mini-series I wrote for them back in the year 2000. I didn't mention that here before it came out because I literally didn't know about it until I got a box from them filled with copies. It's a nice little series, owing largely to fine illustration work by Joe Staton, Tom Palmer and Mike DeCarlo.

I dunno if I've mentioned this here before but there's an interesting difference for me in writing a character like Superman as opposed to a character like Bugs Bunny. This is above and beyond the fact that the latter is supposed to be funny. It's that famous cartoon characters all speak with familiar voices, whereas characters who are primarily from comic books or strips do not. We all know what Bugs Bunny sounds like. He either sounds like Mel Blanc or someone imitating Mel Blanc. But Superman has had dozens of voices and no one of them is definitive.

When I write Bugs, I hear his voice in my head and when you read a Bugs Bunny comic, you probably hear that exact same voice. We agree on what all those animated characters sound like. You might have a voice in mind for, say, Batman. You think he sounds like Adam West or Kevin Conroy or Michael Keaton or Someone Else but the writer probably doesn't have that same voice in mind. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad or anything; just that it's something I find fascinating. (And there are exceptions. I never thought the Donald Duck of the comic books sounded anything like the voice Clarence Nash did for the Donald Duck cartoons. The cartoon voice was semi-unintelligible, whereas I could understand every word the Donald of the comics uttered since it was right there in print.)

Moving on: August is the month when Jack Kirby would have been 100 years old. Here's a paragraph I swiped off this website…

DC Comics recently announced six special one-shot comic books set to release throughout August, the month of Kirby's actual 100th birthday. Each issue will tell a new story about one of Kirby's famous DC creations: Darkseid (from Mark Evanier and Scott Kolins), the Newsboy Legion (Howard Chaykin), Sandman (Dan Jurgens, Steve Orlando, John Bogdanove, and Rick Leonardi), Manhunter (Keith Giffen, Dan DiDio), Orion and the New Gods (Shane Davis and Michelle Delecki), and the Black Racer (Reginald Hudlin and Denys Cowan).

Each issue will also contain some Kirby reprints and an essay by Yours Truly. Some of the issues, by the way, have a couple of new stories and other creators are involved beyond those named above. It looks like a fun and highly appropriate project and I was pleased that they asked me to be involved.

Also, Abrams Comicart Books is issuing an updated, revised edition of Kirby: King of Comics, the book I did about Jack in 2008. It has smaller pages, softer covers, a better cover, a new chapter, some new art and I've rewritten a few hunks of it based on the realization that I could say some things clearer than I did the first time around. Copies will be available at the Abrams booth at Comic-Con next week (next week!) and maybe at other places in the hall, as well. My longer, more in-depth bio of Jack is almost finished but I'm not making any more guesses as to when it will be out.

And that concludes our personal plugging on this blog for the next month or two. Thank you for your patience and we now return you to stuff that I don't make any money off of.

Several sources are reporting the death of comic artist Bob Lubbers at the age of 95. Lubbers (pronounced "loobers") was born in 1922 and started in comic books at the age of 18, working for one of the first comic book publishers, Centaur. He drew and sometimes wrote features including The Arrow and the Liberty Scouts, but his specialty was covers featuring good-looking women. He was what they called a "good girl artist," which did not mean he drew "good girls." He drew women, some of them quite devilish, and he drew them well.

When Centaur went out of business, Lubbers shifted over to Fiction House where he became art director and continued drawing covers with sexy ladies. He served in World War II, returned to Fiction House after serving, then got a job with United Features Syndicate which took him from comic books to comic strips. He drew the Tarzan strip for three years, then hooked up with Al Capp. He assisted on Li'l Abner off and on for two decades but his main work with Capp was drawing a strip called Long Sam, which Capp created, wrote for a time then turned over to his brother, Elliot Caplin. That's Long Sam herself in the illustration above.

Over the years, Lubbers also worked on Big Ben Bolt, Rusty Riley, Secret Agent X-9 (which he signed "Bob Lewis") and his own strip, Robin Malone. In the seventies, he returned to the comic book form with a few jobs for DC and Marvel.

The last decade or two, Mr. Lubbers did mainly commissions and advertising art. In 2002, he was a guest of honor (and Inkpot Award recipient) at Comic-Con International and there, I had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing him. He was a delightful man with a great sense of humor and an obvious love of his work. He seemed genuinely surprised and humbled to learn that so many people knew and loved that work. He leaves behind a masterful body of work, including a lot of drawings of real good-looking ladies.

The wonderful pantomime of Harpo Marx…

I do not drink any liquid except plain ol' water. I do not smoke or use any drug that my doctor has not prescribed…and I do not even use all the ones he does prescribe.

I do not eat candy, cake, cupcakes, ice cream, pastries, pie, any pudding except Yorkshire, cookies or any dessert items. I am cautiously experimenting with some fruits now and then.

I have many food allergies and if you cook me something, there's at least a 65% chance I will not be able to eat it. If it has five or more ingredients, it's more like a 90% chance.

Please. I appreciate that you'd like to give me a gift but if it's edible, it probably will not be edible for me. That makes things very awkward, especially if you went to great trouble to make it or buy it. If you want to do something nice for me, don't put me in that position. I will appreciate that more than any food or beverage you could possibly give me. Thank you.

The Programming Schedule is up and operating for this year's Comic-Con International in San Diego. If you're attending, I highly suggest that you take the time before the con to peruse the schedule, jot down the items you want to attend and jot down the second-choices you'll attend if/when your first choices prove impossible to get into.

Here are links to the schedules for programming at Comic-Con on Preview Night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday — in that order. And to make things even easier for you, here's the list of the important panels — i.e., the ones I'm hosting…

Thursday, July 20 – 11:30 AM to 12:30 PM in Room 4
SPOTLIGHT ON MIKE ROYER
As part of this year's gala Jack Kirby Centennial, here's an hour-long chat with Jack's favorite inker of his work, the man who worked with him on the Fourth World comics, Kamandi, The Demon, and many others. But Mike Royer was so much more than just Jack Kirby's inker. He worked with Russ Manning on the Tarzan comic books and newspaper strip and again with Russ on the Star Wars newspaper strip. He drew for Creepy, Eerie, and Vampirella and worked on the '60s Marvel superhero cartoons and for Gold Key Comics and had a multi-decade career working for Disney on things as un-Kirbylike as Winnie the Pooh. Come hear him be interviewed by his friend and colleague, Mark Evanier.

Thursday, July 20 – 3:30 PM to 4:30 PM in Room 8
THE MARK, SERGIO, STAN AND TOM SHOW
The old "Sergio and Mark Show" has a new name-but what it doesn't have is new panelists. It's still the crew who bring you the bumbling adventures of Groo the Wanderer, talking about what they do and why they do it. See the award-winning team of Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier along with Stan Sakai (the creator of Usagi Yojimbo) and the hardest-working man in comics, colorist Tom Luth. They'll be discussing the latest Groo miniseries, many upcoming projects, and why Mark doesn't get paid for the work he does on their comic. Then again, he's not getting paid for writing this panel description either.

Friday, July 21 – 10:30 AM to 11:30 AM in Room 8
POGO, WALT KELLY AND CAROLYN KELLY
Some call Walt Kelly's Pogo the greatest newspaper strip of all time. This program provides a discussion on Kelly, his legacy, and his lovely daughter, who passed away in April. Topics include the future of the Eisner Award-winning Pogo reprint series from Fantagraphics Books that Carolyn had been co-editing and that will continue to reprint that wonderful feature. On the dais: comic historian Maggie Thompson (Comics Buyer's Guide), film critic Leonard Maltin, cartoonist Scott Shaw!, friend John Plunkett, Fantagraphics's Eric Reynolds (co-editor of the Complete Pogo series), and moderator Mark Evanier (co-editor of the Complete Pogo series).

Friday, July 21 – 1:30 PM to 2:30 PM in Room 8
JACK KIRBY: FRIENDS AND FAMILY
If Jack Kirby were as immortal as his work, he'd be 100 years old next month . . . and he's still here in spirit and impact. Today a group of his family members and closest friends will talk about the man they knew, the man whose genius revolutionized the comic book industry again and again, and they'll even tell you what he liked on his pizza. Your moderator is former Kirby assistant Mark Evanier (author, Kirby: King of Comics).

Saturday, July 22 – 11:45 AM to 1 PM in Room 6BCF
QUICK DRAW!
It's the fastest, funniest panel in the whole convention! Once again, your Quick Draw Quizmaster Mark Evanier pits three super-speedy cartoonists against one another with dueling Sharpies as they create great cartoon art right before your very eyes. Competing this year are (as usual) Sergio Aragonés (MAD magazine, Groo the Wanderer) and Scott Shaw! (The Simpsons), joined this year by Maria Scrivan (Half Full) plus a couple of highly surprising surprises!

Saturday, July 22 – 1:00 PM to 2:30 PM in Room 6BCF
CARTOON VOICES I
Each year, moderator Mark Evanier gathers a bevy of the most talented cartoon voice actors working today and invites them to explain and demonstrate their artistry. This year's lineup includes Grey Griffin (Scooby-Doo!, DC Super Hero Girls), Richard Horvitz (Invader ZIM, The Angry Beavers), Jeff Bergman (Bugs Bunny, Fred Flintstone), Mick Wingert (Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes), Kaitlyn Robrock (Mr. Pickles, Golan the Insatiable), Josh Robert Thompson (Family Guy, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson), and maybe a few other members of the vocal majority.

Saturday, July 22 – 4:30 PM to 6:00 PM in Room 5AB
THAT 70'S PANEL
It was a time of change in comics, with a new generation intermingling with the old and taking command. Hear what the comics industry was like in the 1970s from Mike Grell (The Warlord; Jon Sable, Freelance), Paul Levitz (Legion of Super-Heroes, Stalker), Keith Pollard (Fantastic Four, Thor), Ron Wilson (The Thing, Super Boxers), Marv Wolfman (Tomb of Dracula, New Teen Titans), Joe Staton (E-Man, Dick Tracy), and moderator Mark Evanier (Groo the Wanderer, Blackhawk).

Sunday, July 23 – 10:00 AM to 11:15 AM in Room 5AB
THE ANNUAL JACK KIRBY TRIBUTE PANEL
Continuing the celebration of the Kirby Centennial, this is the annual panel about Comic-Con's first superstar guest, the man they call "The King of Comics," Jack Kirby. Jack left us in 1994, but his influence on comics, film, and this convention has never been greater. Discussing the man and his work this year are Jim Chadwick (editor at DC Comics), Paul Levitz (former president at DC Comics), Mike Royer (Kirby's favorite inker), attorney Paul S. Levine, and several highly surprising surprise guests. Naturally, it's moderated by former Kirby assistant Mark Evanier.

Sunday, July 23 – 11:30 AM to 12:45 PM in Room 6A
CARTOON VOICES II
With the smash-hit success of yesterday's Cartoon Voices I panel, there's no choice but to do another one-with different but equally talented actors from the world of animation voicing. Once again, moderator Mark Evanier has assembled an all-star dais that will include Neil Kaplan (Transformers, Voltron), Nickie Bryar (Family Guy, American Dad!), Bob Joles (Puss in Boots, SpongeBob SquarePants), Debra Wilson (MADtv, Family Guy), Chuck McCann (Fantastic Four, DuckTales), and probably someone else.

Sunday, July 23 – 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM in Room 25ABC
COVER STORY: THE ART OF THE COVER
What does it take to make a great cover for a comic book? Let's ask five of the top artists . . . all folks who've created some of the best. Come hear the "shop talk" of Arthur Adams (Longshot, Monkeyman and O'Brien), Mike Grell (Warlord; Jon Sable, Freelance), Joyce Chin (America, Deadpool the Duck), Joe Staton (E-Man, Dick Tracy), and Erica Henderson (The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, Jughead). Moderated by Mark Evanier.

Sunday, July 23 – 3:00 PM to 4:30 PM in Room 25ABC
THE BUSINESS OF CARTOON VOICES
Interested in a career doing voices for animation and videogames? There are plenty of people around who'll take your money and tell you how to go about it, but here's 90 minutes of absolutely free advice from folks who work actively in the field. Hear from cartoon voice actors Gregg Berger, Julie Nathanson, and Debra Wilson, talent agent Sandie Schnarr (AVO Talent) and your moderator, voice director Mark Evanier (The Garfield Show).

I am actually on some panels I'm not moderating too so don't be surprised if you see me where you don't expect me. As always: Times, room assignments and panel participants are subject to change. Matter of fact, I'm still trying to get them to postpone the whole convention to late August because I'm not ready for it. It's not looking good for that though so the above schedule will probably happen.

Baby chicks, baby chicks, baby chicks…

Ben Platt, the Tony-winning star of the Broadway show Dear Evan Hansen has been under some fire recently from folks who seem to have learned manners from Donald Trump. Their anger has to do with him often not coming to the stage door following a performance to sign autographs, shake hands, pose for selfies, etc. To those who are upset by this, he recently wrote…

Performing Dear Evan Hansen every night is wonderful but also hugely tough — as much as I would like to be out there every night, very often I cannot come to the stage door after the performance. My priority must always be self-care so I can recreate the same quality show each night. That's my job, and what each and every audience member is paying for and deserves. Before you tweet hateful things about how I don't value our incredible fans when I can't come to the door, please pause to consider that my responsibility to them is first and foremost to give my all each night. I preserve myself because I value each of them deeply.

Obviously, I'm on his side. Anyone with a shred of decency would be on his side, especially if they understand the all-out effort that goes into a role like that. There is also the sometimes-crushing sense of responsibility when you have to give eight performances a week, keeping up the standard and not ruining the show for anyone by being at partial-energy or, worse, not there at all. As I wrote here once, it can create many problems when the star of a live show is out…

It occurred a few years ago when the musical Sunset Boulevard was gracing the Shubert here in Los Angeles. Glenn Close was starring and theatergoers were knifing one another for tickets…because of her but also because of an outstanding performance by George Hearn as her servant, Max.

During this time, I had the good fortune to work with Mr. Hearn, who was, is and always will be one of the great stars of the stage. One day, he invited me to scrounge up a date and to come see that evening's performance of Sunset Boulevard. I've had worse offers.

So I called a lady I knew and the conversation went like this…

"I was wondering if you were busy tonight…"

"Gee, Mark, I'm sorry but I promised my desperately-ill 70-year old mother that I would drive her to the hospital for the surgery she desperately needs to save her life, and that I would be there for her when she came out of the anesthetic."

"Oh, well, I certainly understand. I'll find someone else who wants to see Sunset Boulevard…"

"Sunset Boulevard? With Glenn Close in it?"

"Yes, the gentleman who plays the second lead has arranged for house seats — I think they're third row, center. Then, afterwards, he wants to give us a backstage tour and introduce us to Ms. Close. But since you're busy…"

"What time will you pick me up? No, wait. I'll pick you up."

"But I thought your mother…the operation…"

"Hey, she'll be out cold. She won't know I'm not there. And the old lady can hitchhike to the hospital. It's only thirty miles."

We went to the Shubert that night and had a wonderful evening. I didn't think the show was a classic — Andrew Lloyd Webber and all that — but Glenn Close and George Hearn were terrific.

The glow lasted all the way until the next day when another lady friend who was visiting me found the Playbill on my dining room table. In a voice oozing outrage, she gasped, "You went to see Glenn Close without me?"

"I'm sorry but I had to scare up a date quickly and — "

"You are getting more tickets and taking me to see this."

"Well, I don't know if I can. You see, these tickets were special and…"

"You are getting more tickets and taking me to see this. Do you understand? I must see Glenn Close."

I do not know if I can adequately convey the implied threat with which the above was spoken. Imagine a crazed mugger hopped up on every pharmaceutical known to man, his finger twitching on the trigger of a .357 Magnum Centerfire Handgun loaded with Subsonic Jacketed Hollow Point ammunition.

She was a little more demanding than that.

So, reluctantly imposing again on Mr. Hearn's kindness, I arranged for two more tickets. This time, I insisted on paying.

When the evening arrived, my friend and I got dressed up — which is to say that she looked great and I looked like a sloppy guy wearing better clothing. We went to a swanky restaurant for pre-show dinner and arrived at the theater to find a mob scene outside the box office, and not a cheery one…

Glenn Close was out that night.

And boy, were some people angry about it.

Trying with scant success to calm people down was a Shubert employee with a shaved head. Everyone was calling him Max since, in the play, Ms. Desmond's butler Max has a shaved head.

The Max outside the Shubert was assuring all that the stand-by was wonderful — a claim no one doubted. It's just that she wasn't Glenn Close.

Mostly, he was trying to solve a tremendous snarl at the ticket windows. He yelled, over and over, "Those of you who want exchanges or refunds, please wait until people who are picking up tickets have had a chance to get them so they can get seated for the performance."

I turned to my date and asked her if she wanted to see Sunset Boulevard without Glenn Close.

She said, "I didn't come to see Sunset Boulevard. I came to see Glenn Close." Okay…question answered.

We stood to one side with others who were waiting for exchanges. And as we were standing there, a gentleman — about thirty-five years old, I'd guess — lost it.

I mean, really lost it. He began screaming and sputtering with rage. "I came all the way from Minnesota to see Glenn Close. I booked a room at the Century Plaza [a hotel across the way]. I planned my whole vacation around this!"

Max kept trying to placate the man, who seemed to be under the impression that if he screamed loud enough, Glenn Close would suddenly not have laryngitis and would miraculously appear to perform. "What are you going to do for me?" he demanded of Max.

"Well, we'll validate your parking," Max said.

This made the man angrier. "I don't have a car! I'm staying at the Century Plaza and I walked here!"

Max thought for a second, then he reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a cigar and offered it to the man. And, of course, this made the guy even angrier. "I don't want a [expletive deleted] cigar," he screamed.

At which point I suddenly heard myself calling out, "Cigar but no Close!"

No one laughed. No one.

There was a short moment of silence…a very long short moment of silence, as I recall it…

Then everyone standing around outside the box office turned their anger on me.

Between 300 and 400 already-irate people glared at me with mounting fury. I turned to my companion and said, "I think I'll come by tomorrow and exchange these tickets." And we got the hell outta there only moments, I suspect, before I would have been the first person since the invention of the knock-knock joke to be lynched for a pun.

In truth, no one expects a star to never miss a performance. That's why they have understudies and stand-bys and often, it's planned they'll go on to give the star a vacation. But planned replacements are a lot easier on everyone than last-minute ones. If Ben Platt thinks he can minimize the unplanned outages by resting after a performance instead of immediately giving another one for the fans clustered at the stage door, he should do it. And no one should fault him for that decision because he's the only one in a position to make it.

The wonderful wit of Groucho Marx and the men who wrote his movies…

I have in the past (like here and here) raved about The Black Version, a fine improv troupe that performs every month or three in Los Angeles. They're performing tonight at Largo at the Coronet over in West Hollywood with special guest performer Maya Rudolph.

I've seen them several times and they've always been terrific as they ad-lib an entire black exploitation musical, "remaking" some famous movie starring mainly white peoople. Sometimes, they're a little naughty and loud…but always funny. Don't bother going to the website and trying to buy tickets because they're sold out and have been for some time.

However! For reasons that would bore you, I wound up with two extra tickets for tonight and they're up for grabs. First person who asks can have them for the face value of $30.00 each and I will only sell them as a set. Oh — and there's a catch. The show starts at 8:30 but they start doing seat assignments at 6 PM. So you have to meet me in front of the theater at 5:50 PM. You can get your tickets and seat assignments, then go somewhere for dinner or shopping or whatever until just before showtime. If you want to do this, drop me a line and include your phone number.

Miriam Marx, daughter of Groucho, died June 29 at the age of 90. Her life was filled with struggles with drink and struggles with family turbulence. She and her brother Arthur (who passed away in 2011 ) were born from Groucho's first marriage, which was to Ruth Johnson. Ruth was a serious alcoholic and passed that condition on to her daughter. (Groucho was married two more times and had a daughter, Melinda, from the second marriage and none from the third. All three marriages ended in divorce.) Miriam collected many letters from her father in the 1992 book, Love, Groucho. It's a very honest, candid book about their relationship.

It was my pleasure to meet and talk with Miriam on two occasions, both when she turned out for a performance by her friend, Frank Ferrante. Frank, as any reader of this blog knows, is a fine impersonator of her father and he did much to take care of Miriam in her last years.

My impression of her was that she was a sweet, soft-spoken woman who was a little intimidated by all the folks who wanted to meet Groucho's Daughter and who perhaps expected her to be as verbally witty as her pop. We do that often to the children of famous, talented people, thinking that somehow they have failed their birthrights and family heritage by not being able to do everything their superstar parent did. Psychologists have built summer homes off the guilt that some kids feel when it turns out they can't immediately match the greatness of some parent. We ought to let those people live their lives, unpressured by near-impossible expectations.

Anyway, I liked her a lot. And I think she liked that when we talked, we talked about us — a lot about her, a little about me — and not exclusively about her dad. She had a good career as a writer and editor, and deserves to be recognized for that, and not just for who tucked her in at night and told her stories. Can you imagine what those stories must have been like?

Here's a good obit and overview in the Los Angeles Times.

Sorry I've been so busy this past week. Working on a lot of different things at the same time can do that to you but it's better than not having anyone want to hire you at all. A long-ago-scheduled trip to Las Vegas also came at a bad time. Last September, as recounted here, a friend of mine and I went to see the fine comedian, Jim Jefferies, performing in downtown Los Angeles. It was such a great evening that on the way out, she said, "Please…get tickets to see that man any time he performs near us again." I said I would — for me as much as for her.

Around November, I noticed Mr. Jefferies would be performing at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas at the end of June the following year (i.e., this year) and that terrific seats could then be ordered online. I immediately ordered terrific seats online, not pausing to consider that it might be 115° in Las Vegas at the end of June. It was but, you know, in Vegas it's a dry heat, there are outdoor air coolers and machines that spray cold mist into the air, and you can get around without going outside too much. 115° wasn't as bad as it would have been in Los Angeles.

Thursday afternoon, 6/29, we flew to Vegas and checked into a lovely suite at Bally's. Because of pressing deadlines, I spent a lot of time in that suite at the laptop but we got out and went to some shows and some stores and some buffets. I think I'm giving up buffets. They haven't been cost-effective since I had my gastric bypass since I am physically incapable of eating much food at one sitting and I've lost all interest in desserts. Desserts are at least half the point of any buffet.

For a while, I liked them anyway for two reasons. One was that you can almost always get freshly-sliced roast turkey, which is one of my favorite foods and one that's hard to come by anywhere else. Also, with my food allergies, it's comforting to see what I might eat before I consider putting it in my mouth. Indeed, in one sit-down restaurant we went to this trip, I ordered something that came with rice pilaf and when it arrived, found all sorts of things I shouldn't eat mixed into the rice. They happily exchanged it for plain steamed rice but it took a while.

And this time around, the brunch buffets at Harrah's and at Planet Hollywood didn't seem that much fun. The latter was $39.95 a person and what I ate was darn near the same thing in quantity and quality I could have gotten at a Denny's for around seven bucks. My friend wasn't that impressed, either. I think the heat may have also had something to do with it.

We had one other interesting dining experience. Near Times Square in New York, there's an Italian restaurant I like called Carmine's and they've cloned it in Vegas. It's in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace and we went there Saturday evening for a dinner that felt like it wasn't served until Sunday morning. They brought the garlic bread immediately and then the entrees arrived — I am not exaggerating — an hour later. I complained to the manager who went off, investigated, then came back and said, "We screwed up" and told us the $100+ meal was on the house with his great apologies. Who says you can't win in Vegas?

Jim Jefferies alone was worth the heat 'n' hassle. He's my current response to the question, "Who's the best stand-up comic working today?" As when we saw him last September in L.A., he had comedian Forrest Shaw opening for him. In Los Angeles, Mr. Shaw had to cope with late arriving audience members and some folks who thought, "Well, he's just the opening act. It's okay to talk to each other while he's on stage." He didn't have that in Vegas but he did have a heckler who somehow managed to be disruptive without being even remotely amusing. Shaw's a good comic and he deserves to be heard.

Later, Jefferies had an audience member who thought the two of them were a team — probably but not definitely the same guy. The comic spent a long and very funny time shaming the guy into silence.

Jefferies was great…really great. If you were sensitive about issues like sex, religion and circumcision (he had a lot to say about circumcision), you might not feel that way but we enjoyed the hell out of him. At the end, he did something that I think was impromptu and unplanned. Muttering that what was supposed to be his closing bit hadn't received quite the laugh he'd expected, he wandered down into the audience and talked with the first few rows, then announced that we were now going to lock the doors, rip our clothes off and engage in massive group sex. This did not happen but I think there were a few audience members who were quite ready to do this…or anything else he said.

Saturday night, we went to see Absinthe.  How do I describe Absinthe?  Okay: Imagine a Cirque du Soleil show but take away about 80% of the budget, all the weird costumes and sets and bizarre music.  Keep the part where human beings go out and do physical feats — aerial stunts, balancing, juggling, lifting, etc. — that seem physically impossible. Then add in the rudest, nastiest host ever in show business history — a man who makes Mr. Rickles look like Mr. Rogers — and his assistant, who has the mouth of a sailor and the I.Q. of a potato chip. Mix well and pour. That's Absinthe.

Some of the vulgarity is funny. Some is too high school. But the physical feats were astounding and I can recommend the show with two cautions. One is that most of the seating is on folding chairs which are not evenly spaced so we wound up in a row where no one over about 5'7" could ever possibly sit. We and a few others had to be re-seated. Second caution: Do not under any circumstances sit in the front row. The host will pick on you, water will be splashed on you and an acrobat just might kick you in the head or fall on you. The kicking or falling did not happen at the performance we saw or one I saw four years ago…but I would have had a hard time enjoying the show for concern that that might happen.

Otherwise: We did no gambling. We saw some of Big Elvis. The flights on Southwest were okay, though the "to" one was delayed an hour. I finished two scripts and didn't melt. We didn't see Wayne Newton. Unless you hit the Megabucks for a couple million, you can't do much better than that.

Sorry to hear of the passing of Joan Lee, a delightful woman who could light up the darkest room just by walking in the door. She and Stan Lee (you know who he is) were married on December 5, 1947. We all feel sorry for Stan tonight but he was a very lucky man for 69 years, 7 months and one day. She was a model when they met and they had a model marriage.

Okay, I finally finished the script that was due but now I have my longtime friend Tony Isabella in town so I'm going to entertain him instead of you. I'll stop by later with something.

I was in Las Vegas last weekend and in the next day or three, I'll tell you about the great time I had even though I spent much of the stay in my room slaving over a hot laptop.  One thing we did was to catch a little of the lounge act of Pete Vallee, aka Big Elvis. He does three 40-minute sets every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in The Piano Bar in Harrah's hotel-casino and has been working in the town since 1997. That would make him one of the longest-running acts in Vegas history.

You probably want to know what he weighs. Press reports said that at one point, he was up to 960 pounds and yes, I typed that correctly. He's reportedly down to under 500 now. They have a special reinforced throne for him in The Piano Bar and he sits on it and sings to recorded music tracks. The audience, at least when we saw him last Friday, was mostly older white folks who clapped a lot, sang along where appropriate, and enjoyed the heck out of it.

Watch the guy to the left of him in this video singing and dancing along. There were a lot of folks like him last Friday. I think the fellow in the "I ❤ Big Elvis" t-shirt is the gent who sells Big Elvis CDs and photos outside the lounge while Mr. Vallee is performing.

Some articles about him say that he has photos of his mother with the real, not-as-big Elvis and that he is the love child of an affair they had in 1964. Is this so? We report, you decide. He definitely puts on a very good act…and I'm reasonably sure that at one point, there was a Little Elvis also working the Strip. Here's the Big Man in action. If I were the kind of comedy writer to do fat jokes, I'd suggest he conclude each show by having someone announce, "Ladies and gentlemen…Elvis has eaten the building."