Jerry Seinfeld on How To Write A Joke…

Friends keep asking me if I think Donald Trump should be impeached.  No.  Impeachment is a political process and the politics in this country are too screwed-up right now to function properly.  We have Senators who voted to remove Bill Clinton from office for lying about an affair who wouldn't vote to remove Donald Trump from office if he really did shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

I think Donald Trump should be tried by criminal courts, assuming there will be any that will not be dysfunctional by the time he's outta office and therefore indictable.  In the meantime, he oughta be investigated in all the areas where there's plenty of smoke but Robert Mueller wasn't charged with watching for fires.

And there are other reasons why I think Trump should not be impeached, at least not now.  Ezra Klein makes a much better case than I can.

Most days, I embed a video clip on this site. I've been doing this since March of 2006. This was the first one.

I've posted something like four thousand of them in that time…all videos on other sites that I embedded here for you. In some cases, the site where the video was hosted took it down or the entire site went away. Either way, that link now goes to nothing. That's one reason why if you look back on this weblog, a spot that used to display a video sometimes now has a big blank area or one of these…

Another reason though is that in July of 2017, YouTube stopped supporting video embeds that involve the flash protocol. Most of my embedded videos have come from YouTube and for a long time, all of those used the flash protocol. Well more than a thousand videos on this site went blank when they stopped supporting flash. The code was still there but you henceforth saw (and may still see) a blank space unless I manually replace that spot with the above graphic.

There does not seem to be any simple software way to convert the old flash-driven video links to the newer, preferable iframe format. It's necessary to…

1. Go in and find the video on YouTube. That is if it's still there…
2. Get the code that will now allow that video to be embedded here via iframe…
3. Slightly alter that code so it works with the special needs of this board…
4. Go back and edit the old post to take out the flash link and put in the iframe link.

This takes time and I ain't got a lot of it lately.  So I'm doing a little of it and will do more if/when I can.  But I thought I oughta let you know that some old dead videos will reappear.  In some cases, I'm embedding a newer video in an old post when the old video is no longer where it used to be.  I just replaced one video clip in a 2009 post with a copy of the same clip that was posted on YouTube in 2016.  Don't be confused if you notice this kind of thing.

I may not be able to do a lot of this but you should know that I'm doing any of it.  If someone knows of a better way to do this than editing each friggin' dead video embed by hand, I'd love to hear it.  I'm not going to fix any text links so if an old post invites you to click and read some article on another site and the article is no longer at that web address, too bad.

• Everyone's getting so damned lazy these days. The Easter Bunny hid all my eggs in the same place — in a carton in my refrigerator. He didn't even bother to color them. Next thing you know, Santa will have us all getting all our presents from each other.

McKay Coppins, who works for The Atlantic, wrote one of the most perceptive (I think) pieces on the Mueller Report I've seen in the past few days. Here's a key excerpt…

From the moment the 448-page document was published, two separate news universes took shape. In one, the special counsel's report was presented as a smoking-gun chronicle of high crimes and misdemeanors. In the other, it was heralded as a credibility-shredding blow to the president's opponents.

In between those two poles were plenty of journalists laboring dutifully to make sense of the report and give it proper context. But if what you wanted as a news or social-media consumer was simply an assurance that you'd been right all along about Trump and Russia and everything else, you could nestle yourself safely in a cocoon of validation, and stay there for the remainder of the news cycle.

As I read the piece, I was reminded of a moment in The Final Days, the chronicle of the end of the Nixon presidency written by Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward. The "smoking gun" tape had been found and a transcript was about to be released. Nixon called his family to the Lincoln Sitting Room in the White House to tell them about it. Included in the group were his daughter and son-in-law, Julie and David Eisenhower. Nixon described the piece of evidence that the world would shortly see and David asked to see the transcript. It was obtained and David and Julie took it to another room to study…

As he read the transcript now, David was convinced it was over, either by impeachment or by resignation. Julie did not express disagreement, though she was not ready to agree either. They went back to the Lincoln Sitting Room, and David went to the President's side. "It's been my feeling that we're not as innocent as we said, or as guilty as they said," David said.

Nixon did not react; he kept looking into the fire.

I don't think the Trump presidency is over, not by a longshot. The trouble is that more than ever, he looks like a guy who won the presidency because Russia helped him and who, confronted with an investigation, reacted like a mob boss with plenty to hide. He may not have been as guilty as his opponents said but he's not as innocent as he insisted he was.

Do as I tell you: Enlarge this video to fill your screen. Then as it plays, use your mouse to click around and move the image. This is one of those 350° videos where you can rotate the image on your screen and see the view you'd see if you were in the middle of the action.

This is the "Embassy Ball" number from the current production of My Fair Lady in New York. Enjoy.

• It may turn out that the greatest damage the Mueller Report will do to the country is that Trump will start making certain that his orders are carried out.

• You know, all this stuff with Trump makes sense if your view of life is that absolutely nothing matters except short-term winning, no matter what the long-term outcome.

No small number of you have informed me that The Daily Show is in reruns this week and therefore unable to do anything about the Mueller Report. Bet they're not happy about that.

By the way: I am liking Trevor Noah a lot more than I did when he started there as host. If the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and even the one with Craig Kilborn had never existed — if Noah's was the first-ever Daily Show — I think we'd be hailing it as a pretty good program. Noah's interviews are first-rate…though too often they're with people who just plain don't interest me. Still, he makes them more interesting than anyone else might and yes, I know, that's a half-assed compliment.

In the past on this site, I have frequently praised the musicals staged at a place called the Cupcake Theater out on Magnolia in North Hollywood. Well, I've just learned that effective almost immediately, they will no longer be in that building out on Magnolia. They're now looking for someplace new to stage their offerings and I hope they find a good one.

One of the many annoying things about Donald Trump is that one of these days, we're going to have to listen to some of his staunchest supporters insisting that a certain Democrat is unfit for office because he or she has trouble telling the truth.

We will soon be announcing the winners of this year's Bill Finger Award for Excellence in Comic Book Writing. Thanks to all of you who sent in nominations. I think most folks will be pleased with the 2019 selections.

Lastly for now: Nothing much seems to be happening in the battle between the big Hollywood Agencies and the Writers Guild. As I understand it, Monday is the day the WGA will deliver to agents the letters from writers dismissing them. We'll see what the reaction is to this. Meanwhile, since I don't have an agent to fire, I'm showing my solidarity with the Guild by firing my gardener. (Hey, he's gotten me as much work as some agents get for their clients.)

Reading all sorts of online forums and essays this morning. I only see general (though certainly not unanimous) consensus on two things with regard to yesterday's release of the Mueller Report. One is that yesterday was a very bad day for Donald Trump and the other is that there sure was a vast discrepancy between what Trump and William Barr said was in the report and what was actually in the report.

I haven't watched last night's Daily Show yet but the staffs of Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers did amazing jobs of whipping up timely and sharp material in not-nearly-enough time. Bill Maher has to be pretty unhappy that his show is off this week. And yes, John Oliver has a new episode Sunday night.

As frequent readers of this site (I must have some) know, I'm kinda fascinated by the song "The Rhythm of Life" from the musical, Sweet Charity. It's a great song and one that many groups want to perform…but I don't think most of them are clear on what it's about. In the show, it's about how phony religions can be and how blind their followers are about what they're following. Still, it gets performed in churches and other sincere venues, sometimes with changed lyrics but sometimes with the ones about how a million pigeons are just waiting to be hooked on new religions.

And sometimes, you get the feeling that the folks performing it really don't care about context or whatever it's about. Here's a group called Only Men Aloud singing in a cafe in Disneyland Paris to an audience that seems to be paying very little attention…

What's with all the redactions in the Mueller Report? Fred Kaplan explains why they do this.

In May of 2017, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters that she had heard from "countless members of the FBI" who, according to her, had lost faith in former FBI director James Comey. According to the Mueller Report, she told his investigators this was based on nothing. Sarah Huckabee Sanders lied? Wow. In other startling news, today is Thursday, 2+2=4 and cats say "meow!"

Jonathan Chait says that while impeaching Donald Trump is complicated, Congress could get right to work on impeaching Attorney General William Barr. They should probably do something about Roseanne Barr too while they're at it.

There are so many people out there now giving their views of the Mueller Report — including a few who've even read parts of it — that you don't need me giving you my opinion. I'll just say that just as there will never be a day when Donald Trump will say his taxes are not under audit, there will never be a day when he will not be under serious investigation for criminal actions. The report gives Democrats plenty of justifications for such investigations…certainly more than the Republicans ever had to convene the umpteenth Benghazi inquiry. Kevin Drum discusses one aspect that could spark years of hearings.

So let's turn to more important matters…

I am sad to hear that Beach Blanket Babylon — that wonderful, wonderful long-running show in San Francisco intends to close at the end of this year. The producer is quoted as saying it is not for financial reasons but because she "felt it was the right time." I don't get why it's the right time to close a show and put all the folks involved in it out of work; not if people are still buying tickets. So I'm a little suspicious that the reason is not financial. Maybe this is a ploy to boost ticket sales and/or to get the landlord to back down on a massive rent increase or something. In any case, I hope the decision is rescinded.

When I was writing about the Peter Luger Steakhouse (back here), I said they don't accept credit cards. My pal Joe Brancatelli reminded me that they do accept credit cards but only their own. So I should have said they don't accept my credit cards…and probably yours.

I've been watching Fosse/Verdon with, so far, a mixed reaction. Everyone who ever knew the real Bob Fosse said he was charming, charismatic, brilliant and impossible to say no to, whether he wanted you in his show or his bed. As played so far by Sam Rockwell, he's a pretty dull guy with none of those qualities. One assumes/hopes some or all of that may change as the show gets into later successes. In any case, if you're interested in how much of what's on the screen is true, Slate is having Ellin Stein fact-check each episode. Here's the report on Part One and here's the report on Part Two.

Lastly for now: If you record Late Night with Seth Meyers every night, make sure your DVR knows that the program will run 90 minutes tonight. Much to talk about.

Hey, you know where I'll be May 10 through 12? I'll be at Maltinfest, which is three days of interesting movies being shown at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. I'll be there with my friends and your hosts, Leonard Maltin and his daughter Jessie. Over the three days, they'll show a number of films that you may not have seen, each accompanied by a short subject and a cartoon — the way God intended movies to be seen.

There will also be discussions, interviews, live podcasts, author signings and your chance to see Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla on a real movie screen. That's right! Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla — the lowest point in Bela's career and the highest point in Sammy Petrillo's! There are movie buffs out there who dream of someday transferring every last print of this movie to flammable nitrate stock.

But most of the films at Maltinfest are being shown because someone — Leonard and Jessie, I guess — thinks they're deserving of more attention than they've received in the past. Even though Leonard and I disagreed strenuously about Stan & Ollie, I still trust the Maltin brand…so I'll be there for some of it. If you'd like to be there for some of it, the schedule and ticket information are available over on this page. Here's hoping this becomes an annual event!