I don't do a lot of bookstore signings but I'm making an exception later this month. On Wednesday, January 30, I will be at Joe Ferrara's popular shop, Atlantis Fantasyworld in Santa Cruz, California. I'll be there writing my name on almost anything people want me to write my name on from Noon to 6 PM that day. I've never seen Joe's store but everyone who has tells me it's well worth visiting even when I'm not there…probably especially worth visiting when I'm not there. You can find the place at 1020 Cedar St. in Santa Cruz so drop by, chat and see if I can sign my name. If you prefer, I'll sign your name. I'm not fussy.

This first appeared on this blog on Sunday, July 29, 2012. It's about due for a rerun…

Many years ago, I was strolling down The Strip in Las Vegas around 3:45 in the afternoon and I was passing a grungy little casino called the Westward Ho, which was next door to the Stardust. As a point of reference, neither the 'Ho nor the Stardust are there anymore. There are Ho's in Vegas but not the Westward kind.

Outside the smaller casino, there was a man imploring passers-by to come in and see the 4:00 show they had there. As another point of reference, there are no good shows that perform at four in the afternoon. I don't mean just in Las Vegas. I mean anywhere.

The one in question was "A Tribute to Wayne Newton." In Vegas, the way you pay tribute to someone is to do their act. They had a guy who kinda looked like Wayne Newton and he probably sounded a little like Wayne Newton. That, by the way, is pretty much the popular description of Wayne Newton these days.

Anyway, the barker (I guess you'd call him) outside stopped me and told me what a wonderful time I'd have if only I'd plunk down the bucks to come in and hear this guy performing all of The Midnight Idol's hits. He closed his sales pitch with "So, how about it, Sport? Show starts in ten minutes. There are some good seats available." I had the feeling all seats were available including some in the band and maybe "Wayne's" but I didn't have the time or the interest.

Plus there was this: Standing there in front of the Westward Ho, I could turn my eyes about 20 degrees and see the Stardust next door. And on the huge Stardust sign, it proclaimed the name of the superstar then appearing in the showroom there: Wayne Newton. Presumably, the real one.

In this world, there are some questions you just have to ask. I knew I was not the first person to ask this question or the second or the five hundredth…but I had to ask it because I knew the man had to have an answer for it and I wanted to hear what it would be. I asked the barker, "Why should I pay to see your Wayne Newton when I can walk across that parking lot and buy a ticket to see the real Wayne Newton?"

He said, "Our Wayne Newton is $14.95 and includes a buffet, Sport."

And I thought: You know, that's a pretty good answer.

I mean, the buffet was usually $5.95. The real Wayne was getting $49.95 per ticket. With tip, we'll call it fifty bucks. Now, let's say the imitation Wayne was only 20% as good as the genuine article. I don't think it would be that hard to be 20% as good as Wayne Newton. I can't sing at all and I'm at around 14%. If he's one-fifth as good as Wayne, you're getting $10.00 worth of Wayne Newton plus a $5.95 buffet — a $15.95 value — for $14.95. That's a better return on your money than Keno.

But that's only if you want to see Wayne Newton and I didn't. Didn't want to see the real one and didn't want to see a reasonable facsimile. I also wanted him to stop calling me "Sport" so I needed a way out. My eyes scanned a photo of the Newton doppelgänger and on it, his image was surrounded by the names of some of Wayne's big hits like "Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast," "Red Roses for a Blue Lady" and "Shangri-La." I turned to the salesman and said, "I'm sorry but I can't go see a Wayne Newton impersonator who doesn't sing 'Danke Schoen.' That's, like, malpractice."

The barker looked around to make sure no one could hear him. No one could. Then he whispered to me, "He does 'Danke Schoen' as his surprise encore!"

I was telling this story to someone the other day and I wasn't sure if I'd told it here or not…but if I have, it's been a while. And it prompted me to try and figure out who that Wayne Newton impersonator was. I did a little Internet sleuthing and it might have been Rusty Davis, who still performs in casinos and other venues around the country. Here's a sample of Mr. Davis. I think he's more than 20% as good as Wayne Newton was then…and probably better than him these days…

You get a three-fer today. In 1954, for what I believe was his one and only record, "Big Jim" Buchanan sang a song called "Money" that was written by Ruby Raskin and the great Stan Freberg. Little is know of the mysterious, never-seen Buchanan except that he was obviously a fake name for Paul Frees. Have a listen and tell me that isn't Paul Frees…

Paul'sJim's version of the song was not a big hit and neither was a version of it recorded by Mel Blanc. A few more copies were sold of this version by Tex Williams…

A few other artists recorded it but not long after, the song was largely forgotten…though not by Jim Henson. He often had puppets performing it — either live or miming to the Paul Frees record — in his various appearances. Here it is…and that's Henson himself singing it. Years later on The Muppet Show, he would again sing it as his character, Dr. Teeth, but this is an earlier Muppet and is reportedly from The Mike Douglas Show for 7/21/66…

Periodically, I seem to remind readers of this blog that I don't write obituaries for every single person who dies. I know it may feel like that at times but I don't and the absence of a post about someone who left us does not mean I didn't like that person or didn't respect them. Usually, it means I never met them or just don't think I have anything to say about them that others aren't saying.

I became a noted writer of obituaries in the comic book community because a few decades ago, people in that field were dying — as people in every field tend to do — and no one or almost no one was noting their passing. One person who passed himself off as a comic-book-and-strip journalist was excusing this by saying, "Well, if no one else is writing about them, they're obviously not important enough for me to write about them." (The actual truth was that he didn't know enough about comics to know anything about these people.)

I am pleased to note that there are now a lot of real journalists writing about comics and when someone dies, it usually gets reported in the mainstream press. There was a time when it did not.

• If the "crisis" at our southern border was real and serious, Trump would've used some of the cash already allocated to draw up detailed plans for The Wall so construction could begin the second Congress voted to fund it. They would not still be debating over concrete vs. steel.

I know a lot of people read this site, hoping to pick up tips that will lead them to a successful career in writing, acting, drawing, voiceover work or other show-bizzy areas. If there is one major bit of advice I can give to these people, it's not to be so desperate that you do stupid things, including believing con artists who want to exploit your eagerness to succeed. I have seen many, many scams based on this premise, getting people to do work for nothing or paying for worthless "coaching" or to have their book published. The list is endless.

During the time I was hiring voice talent for the various Garfield cartoon shows, I had a number of wanna-be voice actors practically beg for a part, any part. Two said I didn't have to pay them. One offered to pay me. I would never take them up on those offers but there must be someone out there who would. If you are an aspiring voiceover performer, please read and consider the following two sentences…

These days, there are so many people trying to get voiceover work, there can never be enough openings for 90% of them to make any sort of living at it. And if I'm wrong about that, it's because the situation is even more bleak than I say here.

I am not saying, "Don't try." I am saying, "Don't run your life so that you'll be homeless or personally devastated if you don't succeed. Have a Plan B. Work on a backup career." It's like gambling. It's fine to put $20 on Red at a Roulette table. It's not wise to bet everything you have on Double-Zero.

And for God's sake, avoid the people who want to exploit your need to "make it." In the voiceover world, there are many, including "Pay to Play" businesses. Basically, these are businesses that kinda look like agencies but they want you to pay them to try and get you work. They may or may not be able to do this and the "jobs," if any, will rarely be at union rates and will often pay less than the cost of a good cheeseburger. Marc Graue, who is an actual working voiceover guy and coach, put together this video to warn newcomers about the "Pay to Play" racket. He is not exaggerating…

Didn't Trump look, in his address tonight, like a P.O.W. who was reading the text he was ordered to read by men standing just off-camera with guns trained on him? And talk about Low Energy. This was a speech that pleased no one: The folks supporting him must have been disappointed he didn't pound the desk, vow to crush his opponents and tell them that he was going to build the wall, damn it, and if they didn't like it, they could all take a long walk off a short pier. The folks not supporting him were annoyed because it was Trump giving a speech.

Actually, what I think the Republican Party wants here is for Trump to get the money for The Wall and then never build it. Getting the money would enable him to look like a winner and a powerful man who should be re-elected in 2020. Never getting around to building the wall would keep cheap, subservient labor coming into this country for corporations to exploit. Win-win!

Anyway, here's David Frum on where we are now, post-speech. The sub-head on his piece says, "The president, trapped without a decent exit in a predicament of his own making, will yield everything and get nothing."

And while we're on the Atlantic website, here's David A. Graham analyzing the speech in greater detail and we also have James Fallows explaining why the TV networks should not have given Trump the airtime. Indeed.

• Wait? The border wall will quickly pay for itself? I thought Mexico was paying for it.

• Remember when they said Obama couldn't say two words without a TelePrompter?

• Is Trump doing this from the Oval Office or in front of a green screen?

I haven't been paying a whole lotta attention to Donald Trump lately but he makes it so damned difficult. Going on prime-time TV tonight with an address from the Oval Office? Well, I don't suppose he'll say anything that fact-checkers will be identifying as false afterwards.

But I keep thinking how tough it must be on those who work for this guy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders has the job of going out and saying what she's told to say, and if Trump claims that he personally has been to Saturn, she has to find some way to spin that as something other than a lie on his part. Tough way to make a buck.

And take a look at what Mike Pence had to say this morning. On Friday, Trump said of his border-wall proposal, "This should have been done by all of the presidents that preceded me. And they all know it. Some of them have told me that we should have done it." He says stuff like that without thinking or caring that reporters are going to check with all the surviving ex-presidents to find out who said that, exactly what they said, when they said it, etc.

They checked. Through spokespersons or on their own, all four living ex-presidents insisted they said no such thing. In theory, George H.W. Bush could have said that to Trump before he died but everyone knows he hated Trump, and Trump wasn't smart enough to attribute the alleged remark to the one ex-president in recent times who isn't around to deny it.

So now you're Mike Pence. You go on the Today Show this morning and you're asked by NBC White House Correspondent Hallie Jackson, "Which former presidents told President Trump, as he said, that he should have built a wall?" How do you respond to that? Here's what Pence said…

I know the President has said that that was his impression from previous administrations, previous presidents. I know I've seen clips of previous presidents talking about the importance of border security, the importance of addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Okay. So previous presidents saying on the news that we should address the issue of illegal immigration is kind of the same thing as them personally telling Trump they should have built this wall of his that is so unplanned and vague that even he doesn't know if it'll be made out of concrete or steel or uncooked lasagna noodles. That was the best the Vice-President could do within the parameters of what he was allowed to say.

In more and more ways, Trump reminds me of a couple of producers I've known who would go to the network and promise anything — A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G — to sell a show. One in particular I'm thinking of would say, "I can get Sean Connery, Roger Moore and all the other James Bonds to come out, strip to their skivvies and perform a Chippendale's dance routine" without the slightest thought as to to how he was going to deliver on that promise. Making the sale at that moment was all that mattered. If they did buy the show, his next challenge would be to convince the network that getting Charles Nelson Reilly to come on in shorts was pretty much the same thing.

So tonight, Trump's going to go on TV and make his case for why anyone who opposes The Wall is for open borders at a time when thousands of terrorists are streaming in from Mexico to kill us all. Then Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer — two of the most boring speakers in politics today — will deliver a rebuttal, perhaps hampered by the problem that they probably won't get Trump's prepared text in advance and he might not stick to it anyway.

I think Trump's on the ropes on this issue but if the Democrats really want to finish him off, they shouldn't send Pelosi or Schumer. They should get Seth Meyers to do it. He will…tomorrow night and it'll be much more effective.

I've posted videos before of Sonny Vande Putte (AKA SgtSonny), who I believe is from Belgium. He's one of those one-man harmony groups I enjoy so much and here we have him doing a song I like…and it was smartly arranged by Will Hamblet, a frequent reader of this blog and e-mail buddy. Enjoy…

Writer Donald Liebenson ranks every episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, best to worst. None of us who love the show will ever agree with anyone else's list but I do concur with his first place pick ("Coast to Coast Big Mouth") and his last-place selection ("Uncle George").

I would place "All About Eavesdropping" and "Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra" way lower and "The Gunslinger" and "Talk to the Snail" way higher. I would move up most of the episodes that have Alan Brady in them and move down most of the ones that are in any way about the marriage of Rob or Laura being in any way threatened by either being jealous. The episode that I went to see filmed is #133 and I think that's about right. Interestingly, his Top Ten includes both episodes that call upon us to imagine Laura Petrie naked.

Yesterday, I had a problem of a kind I seem to have often…and I'll bet some of you do, too. It has to do with people not understanding or remembering the limitations of technology.

I was talking to someone — my cell phone to their cell phone — and suddenly in mid-speech, the call was cut off. Dead air. When I redialed them, it went to voicemail. It took about five minutes to reconnect and when we did, the first thing this person said was, "Why did you hang up on me like that?"

It took about another five minutes to convince them that I hadn't; that cell phones are fallible and that they don't only cut off when you're driving through a tunnel or getting into an elevator. Even then, I'm not sure I did more than half-convince them.

I keep dealing with people who either forget or don't understand that sometimes, phones don't work right or text or e-mails disappear or stall out. We all curse our cell providers and say they all stink — Verizon, A.T.&T., T-Mobile, Sprint, all of them. But we often expect our messages to arrive instantly and our connections not to drop. I don't quite get that.

This problem came up a lot during the years when I was taking my dear friend Carolyn to hospitals for tests and treatment. At least half the time when I was in the rooms where they did radiation therapy on her, my cell phone said No Service. It was not connecting for what was sometimes an hour or more.

And then when I would go outside, I'd get a flurry of text messages or voicemails that had been sent 45 minutes earlier. Sometimes, there's be a series from someone: There would be the initial message and then, time-stamped ten minutes later, there'd be "Hello?" followed by one delivered ten minutes after that which would say, "WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME????"

This kind of thing has also happened when I wasn't in a "No Service" situation…where I was getting calls and texts and e-mails but someone's weren't coming through promptly or mine weren't. It seems to be fixed now but for a year or more, when Leonard Maltin sent me an e-mail, I would receive it with within a minute or so. And when I wrote back to him, it either bounced or took two days to arrive. Leonard, wise man that he is, understood. Not everyone does.

Quite a few people who text or write me seem to expect an immediate reply. But their messages sometimes don't arrive instantly for whatever reason.

Or they arrive and you don't see them immediately because you're asleep or in the shower or in an important meeting where you can't check your phone or on a treadmill in your doctor's office getting a stress test or in a "No Service" area or watching a play with your phone off or in the middle of sex or attending to some emergency that requires your complete, undivided attention or your phone's broken or you went out and accidentally left it home or it got stolen or all of these at the same time. An acquaintance of mine once got pissed at me because I didn't respond right away to a text message from him that arrived while I was in the middle of running the Quick Draw! panel at Comic-Con.

Sometimes, you just can't give someone a rapid response…and this also applies to e-mails and voice messages. It used to be that if someone phoned you and you didn't answer, the caller assumed you were away and didn't have an answering machine. Now, they presume you have your phone with you and if you don't pick up, your voicemail should.

Always remember that when your iPhone tells you a message you sent was delivered, that doesn't mean it was seen. And if it was seen, that doesn't mean the recipient was in position to answer you back then and there.

Do not allow any Abandonment Issues you may have to kick in. There are explanations besides someone trying to avoid talking to you. It is possible that someone wants to avoid talking to you but don't put that one first. Or second. Or even ninth. Unless you're really, really obnoxious in which case, yeah, they just don't want to talk to you…and I wouldn't blame them.

In 1985, Michael Nesmith (of Monkees fame) put together a comedy series for NBC that came and went in a flash. It was a kind of rambling, free form show called Television Parts and I suspect that the problem it had was that America then had a pretty rigid idea of what a network show should be and Mr. Nesmith's show didn't fit that idea. He was, as too many people are, ahead of his time.

Whatever was taped was burned off quickly and some of it later had an afterlife in the home video market. Here's a sketch starring one of my favorite stand-up comics of that era, A. Whitney Brown…